1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000

2
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000

3
00:01:39,316 --> 00:01:42,145
- Great day in the morning.
- Have mercy on the cotton.

4
00:01:42,232 --> 00:01:45,409
Halley's comet, Halley's comet.
What's the cause of the name?

5
00:01:45,496 --> 00:01:47,107
Halley? Who's she?

6
00:01:47,194 --> 00:01:49,283
Halley's the man what conjured
it up there, I reckon.

7
00:01:49,370 --> 00:01:51,502
I done seen it first.

8
00:01:51,589 --> 00:01:53,722
Judge Clemens,
how do we know that thing

9
00:01:53,809 --> 00:01:55,811
won't set the world on fire?

10
00:01:55,898 --> 00:01:59,162
We know about it because
it comes back every 75 years.

11
00:01:59,249 --> 00:02:01,556
Think of it as kind of
a Jubilee in heaven.

12
00:02:01,643 --> 00:02:03,123
Like a possum-hunt?

13
00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:07,866
Well,kinda like
a camp-meeting in heaven.

14
00:02:07,953 --> 00:02:10,652
They're watching at home.
It's done happened.

15
00:02:15,787 --> 00:02:18,181
Jane, darling.

16
00:02:18,268 --> 00:02:21,750
- John, it's a boy.
- A boy! Oh.

17
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:28,060
Well, sir. This is the night.

18
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,019
Can you see that other comet, son?

19
00:02:30,106 --> 00:02:31,934
I reckon that big comet
must have come out

20
00:02:32,021 --> 00:02:34,415
just the very minute
this child was born.

21
00:02:34,502 --> 00:02:36,112
Like as if it
brung him from somewhere

22
00:02:36,199 --> 00:02:37,592
clean out of the world.

23
00:02:37,679 --> 00:02:39,289
I suppose
people all over the country

24
00:02:39,376 --> 00:02:41,291
are looking at that comet tonight.

25
00:02:41,378 --> 00:02:43,206
And not one soul of them
has ever heard

26
00:02:43,293 --> 00:02:45,687
'of Samuel Langhorne Clemens.'

27
00:02:45,774 --> 00:02:48,080
Young man, that's you.

28
00:02:59,396 --> 00:03:01,442
'"Persons attempting
to find a motive'

29
00:03:01,529 --> 00:03:04,314
'"in this narrative
will be prosecuted.'

30
00:03:04,401 --> 00:03:08,840
'"Persons attempting to find
a moral, will be banished.'

31
00:03:08,927 --> 00:03:12,931
'"Persons attempting to
find a plot, will be shot.'

32
00:03:13,018 --> 00:03:15,151
'Mm-hm.'

33
00:03:15,238 --> 00:03:19,547
'"By order of Mark...Twain."'

34
00:03:24,116 --> 00:03:27,685
That is me you just saw,
a little bit ago.

35
00:03:27,772 --> 00:03:29,861
I came a little ahead of schedule

36
00:03:29,948 --> 00:03:32,560
maybe that was due to the comet.

37
00:03:32,647 --> 00:03:34,997
When I arrived, I hadn't any hair

38
00:03:35,084 --> 00:03:37,826
I hadn't any teeth,
I hadn't any clothes.

39
00:03:37,913 --> 00:03:40,829
But it was alright then,
'cause I didn't know

40
00:03:40,916 --> 00:03:43,092
that I should have been
embarrassed.

41
00:03:43,179 --> 00:03:45,834
I've learnt since, to my sorrow

42
00:03:45,921 --> 00:03:49,490
that man is the only animal
that blushes.

43
00:03:49,577 --> 00:03:52,754
Or needs to.

44
00:03:52,841 --> 00:03:57,672
In fact, I blush a little now
as I look back.

45
00:03:57,759 --> 00:04:00,109
Some things a man doesn't
like to tell about himself

46
00:04:00,196 --> 00:04:03,243
unless he gets
beyond the grave, as they say.

47
00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:07,769
But now I can tell the truth,
the whole truth and..

48
00:04:07,856 --> 00:04:11,425
Well, that is within limits.

49
00:04:11,512 --> 00:04:14,079
You see, truth
is a very valuable thing.

50
00:04:14,166 --> 00:04:17,300
And I believe we should be
a little economical with it.

51
00:04:18,823 --> 00:04:23,001
Well, I was born under the comet

52
00:04:23,088 --> 00:04:25,265
now that's the truth.

53
00:04:25,352 --> 00:04:28,572
And I grew up in the village
of Hannibal, Missouri.

54
00:04:28,659 --> 00:04:30,531
That's the truth.

55
00:04:30,618 --> 00:04:33,142
I think the village contained
a 100 people

56
00:04:33,229 --> 00:04:36,972
and I increased the population
by one percent.

57
00:04:37,059 --> 00:04:38,713
That's more than
some of the best men

58
00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:42,020
in history have done for a town.

59
00:04:42,107 --> 00:04:44,806
Life unfolded gently there.

60
00:04:44,893 --> 00:04:48,897
And the Mississippi was more
important than the Seven Seas.

61
00:04:48,984 --> 00:04:52,640
Right in the middle of
it was Jackson's Island.

62
00:04:52,727 --> 00:04:54,859
It was the lair of a bloodthirsty

63
00:04:54,946 --> 00:04:57,427
band of pirates
as ever scuttled a ship.

64
00:04:57,514 --> 00:05:01,083
There was Tom,
the terror of the seas.

65
00:05:01,170 --> 00:05:03,564
And Huckleberry the red-handed.

66
00:05:03,651 --> 00:05:08,482
And our slave-boy Jim,
the avenger of the Picaroons.

67
00:05:08,569 --> 00:05:11,659
And here were built the long,
low luggers

68
00:05:11,746 --> 00:05:14,357
that ploughed the Spanish Main.

69
00:05:14,444 --> 00:05:16,316
The others supplied the labor

70
00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:19,275
and, uh,
I supplied the imagination.

71
00:05:23,627 --> 00:05:25,455
- Hurry men, hurry!
- What you callin' us for?

72
00:05:25,542 --> 00:05:27,327
Those buccaneers
will beat us to the treasure.

73
00:05:27,414 --> 00:05:29,764
'They ain't nothing
but white-trash on a raft.'

74
00:05:29,851 --> 00:05:31,896
That's Captain Kid
and his pirates in disguise.

75
00:05:31,983 --> 00:05:33,594
'What?'

76
00:05:33,681 --> 00:05:35,378
It seems like
the doggondest things

77
00:05:35,465 --> 00:05:37,902
keep goin' on wherever
Master Sam is at.

78
00:05:40,514 --> 00:05:42,951
We rescued many a beauteous maiden

79
00:05:43,038 --> 00:05:45,736
and made many
a villain walk the plank.

80
00:05:45,823 --> 00:05:48,652
And of course, we gave
our spoils to the poor.

81
00:05:51,002 --> 00:05:54,266
It's a galleon men,
get ready to board her!

82
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:57,661
Master Sam, you know we can't
get aboard that steamboat.

83
00:05:57,748 --> 00:06:00,534
and if we does,
they'll gonna fling us off.

84
00:06:00,621 --> 00:06:04,059
But pirating was only secondary

85
00:06:04,146 --> 00:06:06,148
it was the river that held us.

86
00:06:06,235 --> 00:06:08,150
The broad, majestic river

87
00:06:08,237 --> 00:06:13,068
with its lazy current
and its soft, cool mud.

88
00:06:13,155 --> 00:06:16,941
Its steamboats
were our dreams of luxury

89
00:06:17,028 --> 00:06:19,857
and their pilots were our Gods.

90
00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:23,470
Gosh, fellahs, the big Missouri.

91
00:06:23,557 --> 00:06:27,691
And look at the pilot up there,
running the whole business.

92
00:06:27,778 --> 00:06:29,650
Ooh! Oh!

93
00:06:45,796 --> 00:06:48,190
I clung to the river
until the last

94
00:06:48,277 --> 00:06:50,322
precious moment of the day.

95
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:54,283
Then I had to give up
my life of crime and go home.

96
00:06:54,370 --> 00:06:57,678
I used to shinny up
the porch roof and in a window.

97
00:06:57,765 --> 00:07:00,332
I got so I could do it
in record time.

98
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:03,597
I suppose most boys who
try to fool their mothers.

99
00:07:03,684 --> 00:07:06,426
I used to try to fool mine.

100
00:07:12,867 --> 00:07:14,216
Sam.

101
00:07:16,914 --> 00:07:19,439
Sam, you needn't play possum.
I heard you coming in.

102
00:07:20,701 --> 00:07:23,399
Sam.

103
00:07:23,486 --> 00:07:25,749
Time to get up, ma?

104
00:07:25,836 --> 00:07:29,318
You know perfectly well,
I ought to tan you Sam Clemens.

105
00:07:29,405 --> 00:07:31,712
You realize that
for four life-long hours

106
00:07:31,799 --> 00:07:33,801
I haven't known whether
you were alive or drowned.

107
00:07:33,888 --> 00:07:35,933
Oh, ma, I'll never get drownded.

108
00:07:36,020 --> 00:07:38,066
Well, I reckon it's just
'cause as you were born to hang

109
00:07:38,153 --> 00:07:40,329
like all the other river riffraff.

110
00:07:40,416 --> 00:07:42,679
Nothing ever happens around
this old town

111
00:07:42,766 --> 00:07:44,115
except on the river.

112
00:07:44,202 --> 00:07:47,075
The river. I wish I'd never
heard of that river.

113
00:07:47,162 --> 00:07:51,862
Once that Mississippi mud gets
into you Sam, it never gets out.

114
00:07:51,949 --> 00:07:53,864
'About all that's left to me
in this life'

115
00:07:53,951 --> 00:07:57,172
to try to make you into a fine,
cultured man.

116
00:07:57,259 --> 00:07:59,957
Looked up to and respected,
like your father was.

117
00:08:01,437 --> 00:08:04,179
I reckon that river
is too much for me.

118
00:08:04,266 --> 00:08:05,485
Gosh, ma.

119
00:08:05,572 --> 00:08:07,530
Why don't you try once more

120
00:08:07,617 --> 00:08:09,314
to help Orion
in the printin' shop?

121
00:08:09,401 --> 00:08:13,405
Just during your vacations so
that you'll stay out of trouble.

122
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,277
Won't you try, son?

123
00:08:15,364 --> 00:08:19,324
And maybe some day
you'll learn to be a printer.

124
00:08:19,411 --> 00:08:22,763
Alright, ma. I'll try.

125
00:08:30,205 --> 00:08:32,033
After three years
in that print shop

126
00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:34,601
I was ready to change places
with a convict.

127
00:08:34,688 --> 00:08:36,341
And pay him a bonus.

128
00:08:36,428 --> 00:08:38,692
I was pretty well discouraged.

129
00:08:38,779 --> 00:08:41,433
My brother Orion
was more discouraged.

130
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:43,174
Ssh! Quiet, Rock.

131
00:08:43,261 --> 00:08:44,741
- Sam.
- Now what have I done?

132
00:08:44,828 --> 00:08:46,787
Oh, my stars a-mighty,
it does seem to me

133
00:08:46,874 --> 00:08:48,528
that the past three years here
would have taught you

134
00:08:48,615 --> 00:08:50,138
to do something right.

135
00:08:50,225 --> 00:08:52,488
"Seth Peters paid
his subscription this week

136
00:08:52,575 --> 00:08:55,578
with two bushels of large,
yellow bears."

137
00:08:55,665 --> 00:08:57,972
Pears, you dunce, not bears!

138
00:08:58,059 --> 00:09:02,585
♪ Nobody knows
the trouble I've seen ♪

139
00:09:02,672 --> 00:09:07,111
♪ Nobody knows but Jesus ♪

140
00:09:07,198 --> 00:09:09,374
♪ Nobody know.. ♪♪

141
00:09:11,028 --> 00:09:12,943
'Come on! Steamboat is coming!'

142
00:09:22,518 --> 00:09:24,259
Steamboat's comin', Sam.

143
00:09:26,609 --> 00:09:29,307
Well, I guess
you're not in much of a hurry.

144
00:09:29,394 --> 00:09:32,267
There's seven hours work
on that floor, you dunderhead.

145
00:09:34,748 --> 00:09:36,445
If only somebody
invented a machine

146
00:09:36,532 --> 00:09:38,273
that would set type by itself

147
00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:41,842
he'd make ten million dollars
and I'd pay half.

148
00:09:46,498 --> 00:09:49,197
Clemens! I won't stand for this.

149
00:09:49,284 --> 00:09:51,025
Well, I'm sure
I don't understand, Mr. Higgins.

150
00:09:51,112 --> 00:09:53,244
Look at that.

151
00:09:53,331 --> 00:09:56,030
"Last Tuesday, Mr. Higgins,
editor of "The Bugle"

152
00:09:56,117 --> 00:09:58,293
"out-stood as a hero
when he single-handed

153
00:09:58,380 --> 00:10:00,948
rescued his self
from drowning hisself."

154
00:10:01,035 --> 00:10:03,690
Why, I never saw, "His sweetheart

155
00:10:03,777 --> 00:10:05,343
"left him high and dry.

156
00:10:05,430 --> 00:10:08,782
'"So he waded out in the river
to end his sorrows.'

157
00:10:08,869 --> 00:10:11,611
"When his soundings showed
he could not get drowned

158
00:10:11,698 --> 00:10:13,700
"without getting in over his head.

159
00:10:13,787 --> 00:10:18,052
He turned around and waded out,
and is in our midst again."

160
00:10:18,139 --> 00:10:20,489
This is serious!
Fightin' serious.

161
00:10:20,576 --> 00:10:22,970
Mr. Higgins sir,
I swear I never set eyes

162
00:10:23,057 --> 00:10:24,493
on that item before in my..

163
00:10:24,580 --> 00:10:26,060
Do you mean to say that..

164
00:11:17,198 --> 00:11:19,722
'Holy sufferin' Jehoshaphat!'

165
00:11:19,809 --> 00:11:21,593
Takin' you by and large,
Sam Clemens

166
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,857
you do seem to be more different
kinds of an ass

167
00:11:23,944 --> 00:11:25,467
than I ever saw before.

168
00:11:25,554 --> 00:11:27,643
Why I ever took you aboard
beats me.

169
00:11:29,297 --> 00:11:32,300
- Where are you takin' her now?
- I wished I was dead.

170
00:11:34,258 --> 00:11:36,478
There's one thing
you've got to have, Sam Clemens

171
00:11:36,565 --> 00:11:38,306
if you're going to be
a river pilot.

172
00:11:38,393 --> 00:11:39,742
And that's a memory.

173
00:11:39,829 --> 00:11:41,701
You can't think
you know this river.

174
00:11:41,788 --> 00:11:44,399
You got to know you know it.

175
00:11:44,486 --> 00:11:45,443
Yes, sir.

176
00:11:51,449 --> 00:11:53,103
That's Angel's Point, over yonder.

177
00:11:56,672 --> 00:11:58,805
There's shoal water
at that cottonwood.

178
00:11:58,892 --> 00:12:01,242
That's the Harrison plantation
on that bluff.

179
00:12:03,244 --> 00:12:04,985
- Stop that!
- Yes, sir.

180
00:12:14,168 --> 00:12:17,214
♪ Quarter less Twain ♪♪

181
00:12:17,301 --> 00:12:19,956
Look out, look out!
Don't hug that slick place.

182
00:12:20,043 --> 00:12:21,915
There ain't six feet there.

183
00:12:22,002 --> 00:12:23,873
She won't stand it.
She begins to smell it.

184
00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:25,570
Look sharp, I tell you!

185
00:12:25,657 --> 00:12:27,181
Seven feet.

186
00:12:28,617 --> 00:12:30,140
Look out. Look out.

187
00:12:35,667 --> 00:12:38,018
Oh, blazes, there you go.

188
00:12:38,105 --> 00:12:41,456
Cramp her down.
Snatch her, snatch her.

189
00:12:41,543 --> 00:12:42,892
Stop your starboard wheel, quick!

190
00:12:42,979 --> 00:12:45,242
Ship up to back.
Set her back.

191
00:12:45,329 --> 00:12:47,984
Let go of that whistle cord!
What are you doing up there?

192
00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:01,302
Don't you remember what I told
you about those bluff reefs?

193
00:13:01,389 --> 00:13:03,565
- What did I say?
- I don't know, sir.

194
00:13:03,652 --> 00:13:06,133
You, y-you don't know..
Well, look here!

195
00:13:06,220 --> 00:13:07,917
Now, why do you think
I told you all that stuff?

196
00:13:08,004 --> 00:13:09,789
To be entertaining,
I thought, sir.

197
00:13:09,876 --> 00:13:12,574
To, to be..
Get out of this pilot house.

198
00:13:12,661 --> 00:13:14,881
Get off this boat.
Dive overboard.

199
00:13:14,968 --> 00:13:16,708
Shoot yourself, anything,
but got out of here

200
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:18,536
before you sink us all.

201
00:13:22,584 --> 00:13:24,107
'Come back here.'

202
00:13:32,550 --> 00:13:34,378
I said I'd learn you the river.

203
00:13:34,465 --> 00:13:36,424
And when I tell a man
I'll learn him the river

204
00:13:36,511 --> 00:13:38,774
I'll learn him if it kills him.

205
00:13:38,861 --> 00:13:39,993
Take the wheel.

206
00:13:42,517 --> 00:13:43,692
Take it.

207
00:13:49,741 --> 00:13:52,005
Hold her steady now.
She'll pull through.

208
00:13:55,704 --> 00:13:58,707
♪ Mark Twain ♪

209
00:13:58,794 --> 00:14:00,883
♪ Safe water ♪

210
00:14:00,970 --> 00:14:04,582
♪ Mark Twain ♪♪

211
00:14:04,669 --> 00:14:06,454
Well, there's one call
you'll never forget

212
00:14:06,541 --> 00:14:08,499
so long as you live, boy.

213
00:14:08,586 --> 00:14:10,371
Mark Twain.

214
00:14:10,458 --> 00:14:12,416
Safe water.

215
00:14:12,503 --> 00:14:14,201
Many a night of storm and fog

216
00:14:14,288 --> 00:14:16,768
when you're trying
to go on through

217
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:19,902
you'll be strainin' your ears
to hear that call.

218
00:14:19,989 --> 00:14:21,861
The welcomest sound
in all the world

219
00:14:21,948 --> 00:14:26,082
to a riverman is those
two words, Mark Twain.

220
00:14:34,264 --> 00:14:36,745
I've remembered Bixby
all these years.

221
00:14:36,832 --> 00:14:39,269
I don't see
why he didn't drown me.

222
00:14:39,356 --> 00:14:41,271
He must have been a good teacher

223
00:14:41,358 --> 00:14:44,622
because after a while
I was a pilot.

224
00:14:44,709 --> 00:14:46,581
And I was beginning what I suppose

225
00:14:46,668 --> 00:14:50,063
a man must call his,
his real life.

226
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,096
Sam!
Uh, Mr. Clemens.

227
00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:27,317
Now, here's the thing.
You take this rock sample.

228
00:15:27,404 --> 00:15:29,145
- I've been tryin' to tell you--
- For the one hundredth time.

229
00:15:29,232 --> 00:15:30,712
No, no. This is
a different kind of rock.

230
00:15:30,799 --> 00:15:32,453
Look, Clemens, if I
didn't think so much of you

231
00:15:32,540 --> 00:15:34,368
I wouldn't try
and argue you into this.

232
00:15:34,455 --> 00:15:36,500
Steve Gillis,
why don't you try to do right?

233
00:15:36,587 --> 00:15:39,025
It would please
an awful lot of people.

234
00:15:39,112 --> 00:15:41,027
And astonish the rest.

235
00:15:41,114 --> 00:15:43,551
This rock's no good.
It's got a rotten streak in it.

236
00:15:43,638 --> 00:15:45,814
- That's silver, you jughead.
- It is?

237
00:15:45,901 --> 00:15:47,729
Sure, the mountains
is just bustin' with it.

238
00:15:47,816 --> 00:15:49,252
So why should you go
to seed on the river

239
00:15:49,339 --> 00:15:51,472
when you could
go out West and get rich?

240
00:15:51,559 --> 00:15:53,256
Steve, it isn't that I don't,
believe you

241
00:15:53,343 --> 00:15:56,303
but what does a river pilot
want with a million?

242
00:15:56,390 --> 00:15:58,174
I'm tellin' you a man
wouldn't know this river lately.

243
00:15:58,261 --> 00:16:01,569
Yes, sir.
Yankees rushin' West.

244
00:16:01,656 --> 00:16:04,137
I don't suppose the man lives
that can stand prosperity.

245
00:16:04,224 --> 00:16:05,747
Other people's, I mean.

246
00:16:05,834 --> 00:16:08,315
And 50,000 longhorns
by way of the Cross Timbers.

247
00:16:08,402 --> 00:16:10,882
All down and around she goes.

248
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:13,363
Why the whole town is built
on a mountain of silver.

249
00:16:13,450 --> 00:16:15,496
Oh, Sam, if you don't do this

250
00:16:15,583 --> 00:16:16,932
you'll regret it
all the rest of your life.

251
00:16:17,019 --> 00:16:18,499
Now, I know
you're gonna be with me

252
00:16:18,586 --> 00:16:21,067
so I'll get the assayer's report
and that will prove it.

253
00:16:21,154 --> 00:16:24,853
'Alright, gentlemen.
Keep your eye on the ace of spades.'

254
00:16:24,940 --> 00:16:26,681
There you are, gentlemen.
Who wants to try?

255
00:16:29,945 --> 00:16:32,078
'I-I'll take this one.'

256
00:16:35,385 --> 00:16:37,735
'Sorry. Now, watch closely.
It's all very simple.'

257
00:16:37,822 --> 00:16:38,954
Incredible.
Permitting themselves

258
00:16:39,041 --> 00:16:43,002
to be robbed like that.
Sorry.

259
00:16:43,089 --> 00:16:44,612
We give the chance
and you take it.

260
00:16:44,699 --> 00:16:46,396
If at first you don't succeed--

261
00:16:46,483 --> 00:16:47,441
I don't know
what you're talking about.

262
00:16:47,528 --> 00:16:48,833
Come on and quick.

263
00:16:52,315 --> 00:16:53,621
Now, the rest of it.

264
00:16:56,624 --> 00:16:57,842
Can I help you, Mr. Clemens?

265
00:16:57,929 --> 00:16:58,974
It's too bad we haven't got a cure

266
00:16:59,061 --> 00:17:00,106
for this fella's manners.

267
00:17:00,193 --> 00:17:01,672
Maybe drownin' will help.

268
00:17:01,759 --> 00:17:03,935
Alright. Cast off.

269
00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:06,025
- Ain't these yours?
- What?

270
00:17:06,112 --> 00:17:08,897
Why, yes, I-I believe they are.

271
00:17:08,984 --> 00:17:11,595
Oh, there's something else.

272
00:17:11,682 --> 00:17:14,337
Thank you, I-I think
that's mine also.

273
00:17:14,424 --> 00:17:16,470
Yes, yes.

274
00:17:16,557 --> 00:17:17,862
I suppose she's your, uh..

275
00:17:17,949 --> 00:17:19,603
- My sister.
- Good.

276
00:17:19,690 --> 00:17:22,911
I mean, I mean,
of course. Of course.

277
00:17:22,998 --> 00:17:25,218
- Glad to have met you, sir.
- Oh, thank you, sir.

278
00:17:25,305 --> 00:17:27,959
- Oh, Mr. Clemens..
- Try again?

279
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,700
- Mr. Clemens?
- Yes, sir?

280
00:17:29,787 --> 00:17:31,659
Oh, I, I'm indebted to you.

281
00:17:31,746 --> 00:17:34,705
- My name's Charles Langdon.
- Langdon?

282
00:17:34,792 --> 00:17:35,837
Have you over been
to a pilot house?

283
00:17:35,924 --> 00:17:37,795
Well, come up later on.

284
00:17:37,882 --> 00:17:40,407
I'm, uh, gonna give the boys
a little surprise.

285
00:17:40,494 --> 00:17:41,886
Surprise?

286
00:17:41,973 --> 00:17:44,019
Uh, there's some
old shellbacks around here

287
00:17:44,106 --> 00:17:45,542
that'd jump off this boat

288
00:17:45,629 --> 00:17:48,023
if they knew
what was ahead of them tonight.

289
00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:52,158
Hey, uh, can I, uh..

290
00:17:52,245 --> 00:17:54,943
- Can I see that again?
- I beg your pardon?

291
00:17:55,030 --> 00:17:57,641
Nothing. Nothing.
Just let it go.

292
00:17:57,728 --> 00:17:59,904
'Change your luck
with the other diners.'

293
00:17:59,991 --> 00:18:03,386
'Step right up
and around she goes!'

294
00:18:11,568 --> 00:18:14,354
A passenger in the pilot house
is kinda special.

295
00:18:14,441 --> 00:18:16,225
Those are pilots back there,
not on duty

296
00:18:16,312 --> 00:18:17,835
they're just studying the river.

297
00:18:17,922 --> 00:18:19,968
This fog's getting' thicker
and thicker.

298
00:18:20,055 --> 00:18:23,232
Should've tied up an hour ago.
Oh, you know it, yourself.

299
00:18:23,319 --> 00:18:25,756
If he's dead set to wreck her,
I want to see it from up here.

300
00:18:25,843 --> 00:18:26,844
On account of the view.

301
00:18:29,064 --> 00:18:30,457
Do you think your sister
would be interested in--

302
00:18:30,544 --> 00:18:32,067
Do pilots have to study?

303
00:18:32,154 --> 00:18:33,373
Oh, we never do anything else.

304
00:18:33,460 --> 00:18:35,853
This river takes up all our time.

305
00:18:35,940 --> 00:18:38,291
How, uh, old did you say
your sister was?

306
00:18:38,378 --> 00:18:39,770
You look-a here,
the Captain tells me

307
00:18:39,857 --> 00:18:41,250
you're gonna tie up
short of Hat Island.

308
00:18:41,337 --> 00:18:43,034
You bet your gizzard
he's gonna tie up.

309
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:45,298
Do you think he wants to knock
the steamboat's brains out?

310
00:18:45,385 --> 00:18:47,561
I've gotta pick up 80 ton
of buffalo hides in St. Jo.

311
00:18:47,648 --> 00:18:49,084
You do.

312
00:18:49,171 --> 00:18:50,868
No pilot ever run
Hat Island in the fog

313
00:18:50,955 --> 00:18:52,261
and no pilot ever will.

314
00:18:52,348 --> 00:18:54,089
Now, you get out of here.

315
00:19:00,008 --> 00:19:01,749
Pretty bad, Mr. Clemens.

316
00:19:01,836 --> 00:19:03,142
I think we'd better tie up.

317
00:19:03,229 --> 00:19:05,753
I'll tell you
when I want to tie up.

318
00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:07,320
Put out those torch baskets.

319
00:19:09,539 --> 00:19:11,933
- Put out those torch baskets!
- Drown them fires.

320
00:19:12,020 --> 00:19:13,848
Get that light out. Hurry!
Jump off.

321
00:19:32,345 --> 00:19:34,303
I suppose in the case
of a girl like your sister--

322
00:19:34,390 --> 00:19:35,957
It's getting pretty hard
to see the river, isn't it?

323
00:19:36,044 --> 00:19:39,221
Oh, no, no. Trick is to guess
which is the wet part.

324
00:19:39,308 --> 00:19:40,744
From here it seems wide enough.

325
00:19:40,831 --> 00:19:42,964
Sure, it's a full mile wide
on the surface.

326
00:19:43,051 --> 00:19:45,488
Underneath,
it's one long mass of shoals

327
00:19:45,575 --> 00:19:49,144
and bars and snags for
twelve hundred miles of river.

328
00:19:49,231 --> 00:19:50,450
And you have to know
where each one of 'em is

329
00:19:50,537 --> 00:19:51,712
within a couple of feet.

330
00:19:51,799 --> 00:19:54,105
And they can change position
over night.

331
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:55,672
You can't think
you know this river

332
00:19:55,759 --> 00:19:56,978
you got to know you know it.

333
00:19:57,065 --> 00:19:58,719
'No, really?'

334
00:19:58,806 --> 00:20:00,677
Learn twelve hundred miles
of river.

335
00:20:02,331 --> 00:20:03,724
This is the first time
in seven years

336
00:20:03,811 --> 00:20:06,030
Sam Clemens has told the plain,
undecorated truth

337
00:20:06,117 --> 00:20:08,294
and that young fella
doesn't believe a word he says.

338
00:20:08,381 --> 00:20:09,904
You mean you've never heard
of these things?

339
00:20:09,991 --> 00:20:12,559
Oh, well, you'll have to forgive
my ignorance, Mr. Clemens.

340
00:20:12,646 --> 00:20:14,604
But I'm afraid
there are millions of people

341
00:20:14,691 --> 00:20:16,606
who know even less about it
than I do.

342
00:20:16,693 --> 00:20:18,129
I never took no stock
in the notion

343
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:20,915
that people
wasn't the same everywhere.

344
00:20:21,002 --> 00:20:22,873
We all speak the same language.

345
00:20:27,791 --> 00:20:31,491
Sheer off you blasted fool,
sheer off!

346
00:20:41,283 --> 00:20:44,939
You trifling, dunderheaded

347
00:20:45,026 --> 00:20:47,289
flea-brained river hog!

348
00:20:47,376 --> 00:20:50,945
Why, you ornery, numbskullious,
rapscallion mudcat raftsman!

349
00:20:51,032 --> 00:20:52,816
'Serves you right!'

350
00:20:52,903 --> 00:20:55,602
Put a light on
that worm-eaten brush pile.

351
00:20:55,689 --> 00:20:57,386
So a man can see of a night.

352
00:20:59,954 --> 00:21:01,825
What was I sayin' about language?

353
00:21:05,916 --> 00:21:08,354
I notice you keep looking back.

354
00:21:08,441 --> 00:21:10,530
Oh, that? Well, um..

355
00:21:10,617 --> 00:21:13,141
That's on account
of the alligators.

356
00:21:13,228 --> 00:21:15,099
- Alligators?
- Mm-hm.

357
00:21:15,186 --> 00:21:18,189
- Oh. Y-you run into them?
- Oh, no, no.

358
00:21:18,277 --> 00:21:21,628
They, uh, they grab
on to the stern of the boat.

359
00:21:21,715 --> 00:21:23,194
If there's one thing
an alligator loves

360
00:21:23,282 --> 00:21:26,241
better than another thing,
it's to hitch a ride.

361
00:21:26,328 --> 00:21:28,025
- Hitch a ride?
- Mm-hm.

362
00:21:28,112 --> 00:21:31,159
Of course, just a few alligators
hangin' on behind aren't so bad.

363
00:21:31,246 --> 00:21:33,117
'The boat can stand some drags.'

364
00:21:33,204 --> 00:21:35,772
But then the next alligator
grabs on to the first one's tail

365
00:21:35,859 --> 00:21:37,905
and then, uh,
another one grabs on to him

366
00:21:37,992 --> 00:21:41,125
until you're pullin' a whole
chain of alligators.

367
00:21:41,212 --> 00:21:42,823
You, you've really
seen this thing?

368
00:21:42,910 --> 00:21:44,781
Nearly every trip.

369
00:21:44,868 --> 00:21:46,174
Why, I've struggled up this river

370
00:21:46,261 --> 00:21:47,610
draggin' a mass of alligators

371
00:21:47,697 --> 00:21:50,918
nearly a mile long
and ten alligators wide.

372
00:21:51,005 --> 00:21:53,399
- Really?
- Mm-hm. Hmm.

373
00:21:53,486 --> 00:21:55,444
Of all thewhoppin', overgrown lies

374
00:21:55,531 --> 00:21:58,317
I've ever heard in my life and
that the young fella believes.

375
00:21:58,404 --> 00:22:00,101
Thank heaven,
there's the foot of Hat Island.

376
00:22:00,188 --> 00:22:03,670
He'll have to tie up.
I couldn't-a stood no more.

377
00:22:03,757 --> 00:22:06,325
Sam, see you below in the Texas.

378
00:22:06,412 --> 00:22:07,717
Aye, cap.

379
00:22:15,377 --> 00:22:18,728
♪ Mark tire on the starboard ♪

380
00:22:20,251 --> 00:22:25,909
♪ Mark tire on the starboard ♪♪

381
00:22:25,996 --> 00:22:28,912
Wade, ain't he gone past
his landin'?

382
00:22:28,999 --> 00:22:30,871
Do you suppose any man alive
is fool enough

383
00:22:30,958 --> 00:22:32,655
to run Hat Island in this soup?

384
00:22:37,965 --> 00:22:39,706
Stand by below.

385
00:22:44,145 --> 00:22:47,453
♪ Oh half Twain ♪

386
00:22:47,540 --> 00:22:49,977
♪ Larboard ♪♪

387
00:22:50,064 --> 00:22:53,067
Half twain, larboard!

388
00:23:12,608 --> 00:23:14,044
Call Bixby and the others.

389
00:23:14,131 --> 00:23:15,306
They ain't never seen
nothin' like this

390
00:23:15,394 --> 00:23:16,699
and never will again.

391
00:23:16,786 --> 00:23:18,222
Pile up a head
of steam down there.

392
00:23:18,309 --> 00:23:19,702
I'm gonna want everything you got.

393
00:23:19,789 --> 00:23:21,835
We've tied the safety valve
down now, sir.

394
00:23:21,922 --> 00:23:23,010
'What?'

395
00:23:23,097 --> 00:23:24,446
If this gas goes any higher

396
00:23:24,533 --> 00:23:25,839
I don't want to be lookin' at it.

397
00:23:25,926 --> 00:23:27,406
Well, hang your hat on the gauge.

398
00:23:34,369 --> 00:23:37,546
When you blows up
on a railroad, there you is.

399
00:23:37,633 --> 00:23:40,331
But when you blows up
on a steamboat, where is you?

400
00:23:42,421 --> 00:23:43,465
He'll never make it.

401
00:23:43,552 --> 00:23:44,510
And you're the man
that taught him.

402
00:23:44,597 --> 00:23:45,685
I didn't teach him this.

403
00:23:50,559 --> 00:23:52,126
Sam, you'll never get her through.

404
00:23:52,213 --> 00:23:54,389
Well, then I'll take her
half through twice.

405
00:23:56,347 --> 00:24:01,178
♪ Quarter left
Twain starboard ♪

406
00:24:01,265 --> 00:24:05,574
♪ Quarter left
Twain Starboard ♪♪

407
00:24:05,661 --> 00:24:07,402
Stand by. Get ready now.

408
00:24:08,838 --> 00:24:10,666
I hope he knows what he's doing.

409
00:24:16,019 --> 00:24:18,326
I've run this river nigh
on 20 years, captain.

410
00:24:18,413 --> 00:24:21,068
I never saw a man try this.

411
00:24:21,155 --> 00:24:24,941
♪ Half Twain on the larboard ♪♪

412
00:24:25,028 --> 00:24:27,466
'Half twain on the larboard.'

413
00:24:27,553 --> 00:24:28,858
By George.

414
00:24:28,945 --> 00:24:31,121
Her stern is coming down
just exactly right.

415
00:24:34,734 --> 00:24:36,387
She's over the first reef.

416
00:24:36,475 --> 00:24:39,565
- 'Seven feet starboard.'
- 'Seven feet starboard.'

417
00:24:42,872 --> 00:24:46,267
- 'Six feet larboard.'
- 'Six feet larboard.'

418
00:24:46,354 --> 00:24:48,399
She's drawing a scant six feet.

419
00:24:48,487 --> 00:24:50,837
- She's feeling it now.
- He'll never make it.

420
00:25:00,977 --> 00:25:03,197
'Nine feet starboard.'

421
00:25:03,284 --> 00:25:05,939
'Nine feet starboard.'

422
00:25:06,026 --> 00:25:08,768
'Eight and a half feet larboard!'

423
00:25:08,855 --> 00:25:10,683
'Eight and a half feet larboard.'

424
00:25:16,079 --> 00:25:18,517
- 'Seven feet starboard.'
- 'Seven feet starboard.'

425
00:25:22,564 --> 00:25:25,088
- 'Six feet larboard.'
- 'Six feet larboard.'

426
00:25:30,311 --> 00:25:32,966
'Groundin' larboard.
Groundin'.'

427
00:25:40,408 --> 00:25:42,279
Now let her have it.
Every ounce you got.

428
00:25:59,166 --> 00:26:02,082
'Groundin'.
Groundin' larboard!'

429
00:26:02,169 --> 00:26:03,866
'Groundin' larboard!'

430
00:26:21,449 --> 00:26:24,495
Bear hard down.
Snatch her. Snatch her!

431
00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:47,954
♪ Mark Twain ♪

432
00:26:48,041 --> 00:26:50,130
♪ Safe water ♪

433
00:26:50,217 --> 00:26:52,611
♪ Oh Mark Twain ♪♪

434
00:26:54,961 --> 00:26:56,179
Great work, Sam.

435
00:26:56,266 --> 00:26:57,877
That was a lucky piece
of piloting.

436
00:26:57,964 --> 00:26:59,400
A beautiful job, Sam.

437
00:26:59,487 --> 00:27:00,793
I never expected to see that.

438
00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:02,272
Sam Clemens never did anything

439
00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:04,231
like he was expected to
in his life.

440
00:27:06,015 --> 00:27:08,975
The old Mississippi
done found her boss.

441
00:27:09,062 --> 00:27:11,020
The pilot is a mighty man!

442
00:27:11,107 --> 00:27:13,022
♪ The pilot is a mighty man ♪

443
00:27:13,109 --> 00:27:15,329
♪ The pilot is a mighty man ♪

444
00:27:15,416 --> 00:27:17,157
♪ The fog was thick
like the river mud ♪

445
00:27:17,244 --> 00:27:18,985
♪ The pilot made his plea ♪

446
00:27:19,072 --> 00:27:20,856
♪ Let me drive this boat
like I know I did ♪

447
00:27:20,943 --> 00:27:22,553
♪ When the ark moved on the sea ♪

448
00:27:22,641 --> 00:27:25,034
♪ When the ark moved on the sea ♪

449
00:27:25,121 --> 00:27:28,647
♪ High water or low water ♪

450
00:27:28,734 --> 00:27:30,170
♪ The pilot is a mighty man ♪

451
00:27:30,257 --> 00:27:32,259
♪ Yes the pilot is a mighty man ♪♪

452
00:27:37,351 --> 00:27:39,788
I never saw such
thick weather in my life.

453
00:27:39,875 --> 00:27:41,660
The other pilots are saying
that it was the most..

454
00:27:41,747 --> 00:27:43,400
What do you people call it?

455
00:27:43,487 --> 00:27:45,968
Oh, lightning bit of piloting
ever seen on the river.

456
00:27:46,055 --> 00:27:47,491
I'm glad it suited 'em.

457
00:27:47,578 --> 00:27:49,450
Because that was my last run.

458
00:27:49,537 --> 00:27:51,060
It was your what?

459
00:27:51,147 --> 00:27:53,323
I'm leaving the river.

460
00:27:53,410 --> 00:27:55,761
But you're joking.

461
00:27:55,848 --> 00:27:58,720
Well, yes, it is a joke, in a way.

462
00:27:58,807 --> 00:28:00,461
All my life everybody's been
trying to tell me

463
00:28:00,548 --> 00:28:03,072
this river is only
a wet streak in the dirt.

464
00:28:03,159 --> 00:28:04,465
- A wet streak?
- Yeah.

465
00:28:04,552 --> 00:28:08,556
My, my parents, my brother,
everybody.

466
00:28:08,643 --> 00:28:10,253
They broke their hearts
trying to tell me.

467
00:28:10,340 --> 00:28:12,255
But, oh, no.
I wouldn't listen.

468
00:28:12,342 --> 00:28:15,084
Oh, Clemens, if ever I saw a man
well-fitted for his job

469
00:28:15,171 --> 00:28:18,174
and, and perfectly happy
in that job, you were he.

470
00:28:18,261 --> 00:28:19,567
Why, there's nothing
in the world happier

471
00:28:19,654 --> 00:28:21,569
than a frog in the mud.

472
00:28:21,656 --> 00:28:24,920
But, you know, a, a frog can
only see about eight feet.

473
00:28:27,270 --> 00:28:31,884
I wonder what would happen
if a frog saw a star?

474
00:28:31,971 --> 00:28:33,886
It would kill him, probably.

475
00:28:33,973 --> 00:28:35,626
He'd need a drink, probably.

476
00:28:39,195 --> 00:28:41,632
'I didn't realize
there was anything a riverman'

477
00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:43,156
'could never have.'

478
00:28:45,027 --> 00:28:48,204
It'll take time.
I'll need money.

479
00:28:48,291 --> 00:28:49,945
I'll head West first.

480
00:28:50,032 --> 00:28:51,686
They're buildin' a whole
new country out there, Langdon.

481
00:28:51,773 --> 00:28:53,122
I'm gonna have a crack at it.

482
00:28:53,209 --> 00:28:54,558
Well, of all the..

483
00:28:54,645 --> 00:28:56,691
I can't imagine
what's come over you.

484
00:28:56,778 --> 00:28:59,085
I can tell you,
but you won't believe me.

485
00:28:59,172 --> 00:29:00,869
It wouldn't be possible
for you to believe me.

486
00:29:00,956 --> 00:29:02,523
Yes?

487
00:29:02,610 --> 00:29:05,265
You see that picture
of your sister there, Langdon?

488
00:29:05,352 --> 00:29:07,180
Yes.

489
00:29:07,267 --> 00:29:08,877
That's the girl I'm gonna marry.

490
00:30:35,529 --> 00:30:38,924
We're almost there.
Come on, Beulah.

491
00:30:39,011 --> 00:30:40,751
Come on. Come on, come on.

492
00:30:43,580 --> 00:30:46,670
'Beulah. Uh, Beulah,
come on, do as I ask.'

493
00:30:46,757 --> 00:30:48,716
Come on, Beulah.
Push.

494
00:30:48,803 --> 00:30:51,501
Beulah. Beulah.

495
00:30:54,417 --> 00:30:56,376
Hoist her on the larboard, Steve.

496
00:30:57,856 --> 00:30:59,509
She's hard-grounded.

497
00:31:01,555 --> 00:31:02,861
You, uh..

498
00:31:04,558 --> 00:31:05,907
I'm gonna learn you.

499
00:31:05,994 --> 00:31:07,996
That reef's got her amidships.

500
00:31:08,083 --> 00:31:09,780
Beulah.

501
00:31:09,868 --> 00:31:11,652
Beulah, now don't aggravate me.

502
00:31:21,488 --> 00:31:23,229
It's no use, Steve.

503
00:31:23,316 --> 00:31:25,884
She's took root worse than
a Jeff Davis Democrat.

504
00:31:25,971 --> 00:31:27,929
Yeah. We might
as well locate here.

505
00:31:28,016 --> 00:31:29,104
Yeah.

506
00:31:29,191 --> 00:31:30,584
That looks like
a creek bottom there

507
00:31:30,671 --> 00:31:32,891
so you might just as well start
hauling water.

508
00:31:32,978 --> 00:31:34,153
What for?

509
00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:35,763
We gotta wash the gold
out of this gravel

510
00:31:35,850 --> 00:31:37,373
you lunkhead.

511
00:31:37,460 --> 00:31:38,592
It's too bad Beulah didn't balk

512
00:31:38,679 --> 00:31:39,854
where we could have
flumed the water.

513
00:31:39,941 --> 00:31:41,900
We'll need about
a million gallons.

514
00:31:41,987 --> 00:31:43,292
A million?

515
00:31:45,947 --> 00:31:48,080
Why, you rapscallion, flea-brained

516
00:31:48,167 --> 00:31:49,820
numbskullious,
dunder-headed, dust-eatin'

517
00:31:49,908 --> 00:31:51,910
'gully-hoppin', pot-wallopin'..'

518
00:31:59,874 --> 00:32:02,007
Mississippi methods.

519
00:32:02,094 --> 00:32:04,400
- They work too.
- Yeah.

520
00:32:09,492 --> 00:32:10,406
For a minute.

521
00:32:38,913 --> 00:32:40,871
I sure think
we're comin' to somethin', Sam.

522
00:32:58,889 --> 00:33:00,195
Sam!

523
00:33:01,327 --> 00:33:03,329
Hey, Steve!

524
00:33:03,416 --> 00:33:05,722
Steve, I..
I can't find it!

525
00:33:14,601 --> 00:33:16,385
What in the name of time
are you doing down there?

526
00:33:16,472 --> 00:33:18,692
I'm getting rich out West.

527
00:33:22,696 --> 00:33:24,437
Here, take this.

528
00:33:24,524 --> 00:33:27,918
Well, I found out
what a mine is, anyway.

529
00:33:28,006 --> 00:33:31,052
It's a hole in the ground with
a darn fool at the end of it.

530
00:33:32,967 --> 00:33:34,577
There's an old tunnel
runs right under here.

531
00:33:34,664 --> 00:33:36,971
Well, maybe we could
dig our way around it.

532
00:33:37,058 --> 00:33:40,540
Well, what's an abandoned tunnel
doing there if there's any gold?

533
00:33:40,627 --> 00:33:41,976
They missed the pay vein,
that's all.

534
00:33:42,063 --> 00:33:43,586
Yeah? Well, I'm finished,
that's all.

535
00:33:43,673 --> 00:33:44,935
Oh, no, Sam.

536
00:33:45,023 --> 00:33:46,589
- Let's pan just one more.
- No.

537
00:33:46,676 --> 00:33:48,374
That last pan
showed awful good color.

538
00:33:48,461 --> 00:33:49,462
No.

539
00:33:49,549 --> 00:33:50,941
Now don't get so previous, Sam.

540
00:33:51,029 --> 00:33:53,335
- We might strike it any minute.
- No!

541
00:33:55,598 --> 00:33:57,035
Why are you so stubborn?

542
00:33:57,122 --> 00:33:59,080
What'd we come here for, anyway?

543
00:33:59,167 --> 00:34:00,516
I'd never showed up here
if I'd known

544
00:34:00,603 --> 00:34:02,475
there wasn't something here.

545
00:34:12,572 --> 00:34:15,183
- You realize we're broke?
- Yep.

546
00:34:15,270 --> 00:34:18,621
No grub, no place to sleep.
Yep.

547
00:34:18,708 --> 00:34:21,189
All on earth I'm trying to do
is to herd together

548
00:34:21,276 --> 00:34:24,497
enough money
to go East in decent style.

549
00:34:24,584 --> 00:34:25,802
That girl isn't gonna wait forever

550
00:34:25,889 --> 00:34:28,196
you know,
without seeing me at least.

551
00:34:28,283 --> 00:34:29,850
Are you sure that'd help?

552
00:34:29,937 --> 00:34:31,460
Hurry up or I'll miss my stage.

553
00:34:31,547 --> 00:34:34,898
That's $240.

554
00:34:34,985 --> 00:34:37,727
There's another big strike
at Horseshoe Bend.

555
00:34:37,814 --> 00:34:39,686
Steve, it beats me
how anybody can avoid

556
00:34:39,773 --> 00:34:41,427
getting rich in this country.

557
00:34:41,514 --> 00:34:44,517
People that came here
three weeks ago are rich now.

558
00:34:44,604 --> 00:34:46,214
And we get worse off
by the minute.

559
00:34:46,301 --> 00:34:48,782
He sold his interest for $10,000.

560
00:34:48,869 --> 00:34:50,479
Can't we go back and give
the mine another try?

561
00:34:50,566 --> 00:34:52,438
- No.
- Just one more pail of water.

562
00:34:52,525 --> 00:34:53,482
No!

563
00:34:59,358 --> 00:35:01,490
They sure go fast here.

564
00:35:01,577 --> 00:35:03,666
Poor fella
worked for the newspaper.

565
00:35:03,753 --> 00:35:06,930
Take your opinions with you.
We don't want them.

566
00:35:07,017 --> 00:35:08,715
He had a right to print the facts.

567
00:35:08,802 --> 00:35:10,456
Maybe you want
to step into his shoes.

568
00:35:10,543 --> 00:35:12,545
I-I didn't say nothing,
Mr. Lake.

569
00:35:12,632 --> 00:35:14,329
Then stand back.

570
00:35:20,074 --> 00:35:21,771
Where is that newspaper office?

571
00:35:21,858 --> 00:35:23,164
In there.

572
00:35:36,134 --> 00:35:38,614
We'll set it out in bold type

573
00:35:38,701 --> 00:35:40,703
just under the Enterprise.

574
00:35:40,790 --> 00:35:42,836
And, Billings, that headline..

575
00:35:45,099 --> 00:35:47,928
- Who are you?
- Sam Clemens is my name.

576
00:35:48,015 --> 00:35:49,625
I'm your new reporter.

577
00:35:49,712 --> 00:35:52,541
Joe Goodman's my name,
and I got a reporter.

578
00:35:52,628 --> 00:35:55,544
Didn't you hear
that gunfire just now?

579
00:35:55,631 --> 00:35:57,242
You had a reporter.

580
00:35:57,329 --> 00:36:00,070
Was that Daly?
They got him too.

581
00:36:02,725 --> 00:36:03,944
What are you doing now?

582
00:36:04,031 --> 00:36:05,337
If there's one man in this town

583
00:36:05,424 --> 00:36:07,077
so helpless or so low-down

584
00:36:07,165 --> 00:36:09,123
that he can't speak his own mind

585
00:36:09,210 --> 00:36:12,213
print it if he wants to,
this country is done!

586
00:36:12,300 --> 00:36:14,346
I'm writing an account of
how that man died

587
00:36:14,433 --> 00:36:16,435
and it's gonna
curl somebody's hair.

588
00:36:16,522 --> 00:36:17,479
'Good!'

589
00:36:18,915 --> 00:36:20,917
That better, Sam?

590
00:36:21,004 --> 00:36:23,050
Yeah, yeah, that's fine, Billings.

591
00:36:23,137 --> 00:36:24,312
Now set her up.

592
00:36:24,399 --> 00:36:25,487
- Sam.
- Yeah?

593
00:36:25,574 --> 00:36:28,316
Sam, where are we
gonna get a frog?

594
00:36:28,403 --> 00:36:30,579
Frog?
Billings, you got a frog?

595
00:36:30,666 --> 00:36:32,102
What in time
do you want a frog for?

596
00:36:32,190 --> 00:36:34,322
Well, Bret Harte over
at Angel's Camp's got a frog.

597
00:36:34,409 --> 00:36:36,933
Well, go borrow his frog.
Let me work.

598
00:36:37,020 --> 00:36:39,153
And he'll bet you every cent
he's got his frog

599
00:36:39,240 --> 00:36:41,677
can out-jump
any frog in this country.

600
00:36:41,764 --> 00:36:43,679
Don't you see what a chance it is?

601
00:36:43,766 --> 00:36:45,377
Now you're
a Mississippi frog expert.

602
00:36:45,464 --> 00:36:47,509
We'll ride over to Angel's Camp
and you pick us up a frog

603
00:36:47,596 --> 00:36:49,119
that'll lay it all over his frog.

604
00:36:49,207 --> 00:36:51,731
We get odds ten-to-one,
and bet every cent we've got.

605
00:36:51,818 --> 00:36:53,298
- We got?
- Sure!

606
00:36:53,385 --> 00:36:56,039
Now look here, Steve,
I worked and slaved and scraped.

607
00:36:56,126 --> 00:36:58,477
I got almost
enough money to go East.

608
00:36:58,564 --> 00:37:00,609
I'll be out of here in another
two weeks, if you'd only..

609
00:37:00,696 --> 00:37:03,656
Supposing that girl's family
turns out to be dead rich?

610
00:37:03,743 --> 00:37:04,961
Suppose they take you for a tramp

611
00:37:05,048 --> 00:37:06,441
won't even let you
through the door

612
00:37:06,528 --> 00:37:08,400
all because
you wouldn't listen to me.

613
00:37:08,487 --> 00:37:09,662
Oh, I tell you I'm not--

614
00:37:09,749 --> 00:37:11,359
Bret Harte's
got a satchel full of money

615
00:37:11,446 --> 00:37:14,580
he's begging us to take,
tryin' to force it on us!

616
00:37:14,667 --> 00:37:16,190
Steve, it's no use.

617
00:37:16,277 --> 00:37:18,279
I'm not gonna catch you any frog.

618
00:37:26,331 --> 00:37:27,941
Come on over this way.
Come on!

619
00:37:28,028 --> 00:37:30,378
Right over, right over here, Sam.

620
00:37:30,465 --> 00:37:33,163
Now, I'll get him if he'll just
sit still a minute.

621
00:37:35,818 --> 00:37:37,951
- Now you have him!
- Oh!

622
00:37:38,038 --> 00:37:39,300
- 'Did you miss him?'
- Yeah, I missed him.

623
00:37:39,387 --> 00:37:40,954
- 'Keep after him now, Sam.'
- Yeah.

624
00:37:41,041 --> 00:37:43,348
'She's a good frog.'

625
00:37:43,435 --> 00:37:44,697
- 'Catch him,Sam?'
- No, I missed him.

626
00:37:44,784 --> 00:37:46,438
- 'Come on. Come on.'
- I'll get him.

627
00:37:46,525 --> 00:37:48,396
- 'A little further forward.'
- I see him. I see him.

628
00:37:48,483 --> 00:37:50,659
I'll grab him by the legs.

629
00:37:50,746 --> 00:37:54,184
Oh! That one didn't have any legs.

630
00:37:56,665 --> 00:37:57,579
Shh!

631
00:37:59,277 --> 00:38:02,671
Aah! All I got
was a mouth full to cat-tails!

632
00:38:02,758 --> 00:38:04,369
Now don't get to givin' up.

633
00:38:04,456 --> 00:38:06,066
There's a hundred
good frogs in here.

634
00:38:06,153 --> 00:38:08,373
'There's one.
There's a real champ!'

635
00:38:08,460 --> 00:38:11,245
I'll get him. Shh!

636
00:38:11,332 --> 00:38:12,855
Quiet now, Steve.

637
00:38:14,727 --> 00:38:16,032
'There he is.'

638
00:38:20,646 --> 00:38:22,561
No. No, Sam. No.

639
00:38:22,648 --> 00:38:24,737
Go, come over to your left.
Go to the left, Sam.

640
00:38:24,824 --> 00:38:26,478
You quit telling me
what to do, Steve.

641
00:38:26,565 --> 00:38:28,567
Tell these frogs what to do.

642
00:38:34,660 --> 00:38:36,705
'I never saw such slippery frog.'

643
00:38:36,792 --> 00:38:38,577
'They must have eel blood in 'em.'

644
00:38:38,664 --> 00:38:41,449
I give up, Steve.
You come in and try it yourself.

645
00:38:41,536 --> 00:38:44,800
It ain't no use.
Can't stay here all day.

646
00:38:47,281 --> 00:38:49,196
- Where's the frog?
- I didn't catch it.

647
00:38:52,330 --> 00:38:53,853
Yes, I did.

648
00:38:53,940 --> 00:38:55,942
Oh, we're sure set to collect now.

649
00:38:56,029 --> 00:38:58,336
Here, you take this money

650
00:38:58,423 --> 00:39:00,947
and bet every cent of it
on our frog.

651
00:39:01,034 --> 00:39:02,949
You just bet the whole town.

652
00:39:03,036 --> 00:39:06,431
Wait a minute. Where on earth
did this money come from?

653
00:39:06,518 --> 00:39:08,520
Well, uh, some of it
I took from your mattress

654
00:39:08,607 --> 00:39:09,956
and the rest of it, I..

655
00:39:10,043 --> 00:39:11,349
Well, I gave the landlady a note.

656
00:39:11,436 --> 00:39:12,915
Of course,
I had to sign your name.

657
00:39:13,002 --> 00:39:14,656
Oh, Steve, for heaven's sake!

658
00:39:14,743 --> 00:39:16,919
I'll be four years
paying this off.

659
00:39:17,006 --> 00:39:18,181
- Oh, Sam?
- Mmm.

660
00:39:18,268 --> 00:39:20,967
- Did I ever let you down?
- Yes!

661
00:39:21,054 --> 00:39:22,534
Oh, now, Sam,
don't talk like a ninny.

662
00:39:22,621 --> 00:39:23,839
I tell you,
I know what I'm talking about.

663
00:39:23,926 --> 00:39:25,058
It's impossible for us to lose.

664
00:39:25,145 --> 00:39:26,625
I tell you, we are in!

665
00:39:28,322 --> 00:39:30,629
Damn! Damn!

666
00:39:30,716 --> 00:39:31,847
Oh!

667
00:39:33,109 --> 00:39:34,415
Oh, you..

668
00:40:00,746 --> 00:40:03,575
Free drinks!
Free drinks, everybody!

669
00:40:13,236 --> 00:40:16,109
'Friends, thank you
for making me chairman'

670
00:40:16,196 --> 00:40:17,458
'of the Jumping Jubilee.'

671
00:40:19,417 --> 00:40:22,420
'You all know
why we're gathered here today.'

672
00:40:22,507 --> 00:40:24,770
- 'You're darn tootin'..'
- 'Ah, we'll continue..'

673
00:40:29,731 --> 00:40:32,125
'Please! Please!'

674
00:40:32,212 --> 00:40:34,214
Men of California!

675
00:40:36,042 --> 00:40:39,785
And Nevada!

676
00:40:39,872 --> 00:40:44,485
We are here today to decide
a mighty serious thing.

677
00:40:44,572 --> 00:40:48,358
A mighty serious challenge.

678
00:40:48,446 --> 00:40:52,580
Daniel Webster, the longest
jumping frog in the golden west

679
00:40:52,667 --> 00:40:54,713
'owned by Bret Harte
of Angel's Camp..'

680
00:40:56,715 --> 00:41:00,936
'...has stood undefeated
against all comers!'

681
00:41:01,023 --> 00:41:02,634
Raise the odds.

682
00:41:02,721 --> 00:41:05,941
And now comes an unknown frog
from Virginia City.

683
00:41:08,291 --> 00:41:11,338
Named after one
of our leading citizens

684
00:41:11,425 --> 00:41:15,690
that fine laundry man and cook,
Wun Long Hop.

685
00:41:17,257 --> 00:41:21,435
'Owned by Steve Gillis
and Sam Clemens!'

686
00:41:23,306 --> 00:41:27,572
Gentlemen, the honor of our two
great cities is in the balance.

687
00:41:27,659 --> 00:41:29,487
I ask for fair play

688
00:41:29,574 --> 00:41:31,445
and we're here to see that
everybody gets it.

689
00:41:32,577 --> 00:41:33,882
Quiet! Quiet!

690
00:41:33,969 --> 00:41:35,623
Remember each frog
gets three jumps.

691
00:41:35,710 --> 00:41:37,190
The sum of total counts.

692
00:41:37,277 --> 00:41:39,105
This here visiting frog
gets the first jump.

693
00:41:39,192 --> 00:41:41,324
Bring on your frog, Steve Gillis!

694
00:41:43,370 --> 00:41:46,939
- Did you get the money down?
- Every cent.

695
00:41:50,725 --> 00:41:51,683
Here's a hundred
he'll out-jump him.

696
00:41:51,770 --> 00:41:53,423
I'll embrace that bet.

697
00:41:53,511 --> 00:41:56,383
Do you want to bet $50
on Daniel Webster?

698
00:41:56,470 --> 00:41:59,429
Very sorry.
Me Wun Long Hop.

699
00:41:59,517 --> 00:42:01,257
Ground your frog!

700
00:42:04,783 --> 00:42:06,349
Here, here, no inching!

701
00:42:06,436 --> 00:42:08,917
Remember, one tickle
on the first jump only.

702
00:42:11,964 --> 00:42:13,792
Why, gentlemen,
it's virtually an insult

703
00:42:13,879 --> 00:42:15,184
to this magnificent specimen.

704
00:42:15,271 --> 00:42:17,447
I repeat,
an insult to pit him against

705
00:42:17,535 --> 00:42:19,885
the puny entry of my belittler.

706
00:42:19,972 --> 00:42:22,452
- Twenty-to-one.
- Twenty-to-one.

707
00:42:22,540 --> 00:42:25,238
Gentlemen, we're taking
all bets! Twenty-to-one.

708
00:42:25,325 --> 00:42:27,370
A loose holt and leave her fire!

709
00:42:27,457 --> 00:42:28,807
Tickle him good, Steve!

710
00:42:28,894 --> 00:42:31,636
Now hunch them muscles and heaves.

711
00:42:31,723 --> 00:42:34,029
- Jump one!
- Get, consarn you!

712
00:42:35,248 --> 00:42:36,423
And two.

713
00:42:38,381 --> 00:42:40,079
It's the third and last jump.

714
00:42:42,298 --> 00:42:45,040
Come on now, Wun Long Hop!
Hop!

715
00:42:49,436 --> 00:42:51,743
'Hop! Hop!'

716
00:43:03,015 --> 00:43:04,538
Doesn't mean a thing.

717
00:43:06,627 --> 00:43:10,413
Three, six

718
00:43:10,500 --> 00:43:14,330
nine, twelve.

719
00:43:14,417 --> 00:43:15,593
Shh!

720
00:43:23,426 --> 00:43:24,689
What does she measure?

721
00:43:26,647 --> 00:43:29,084
Twelve, six and two-sixteenths.

722
00:43:33,959 --> 00:43:36,091
It ain't too previous to tell
you, but we're gonna be rich!

723
00:43:38,137 --> 00:43:40,182
That was a great jump, Steve.

724
00:43:40,269 --> 00:43:42,924
Now bring forth Daniel Webster.

725
00:43:47,625 --> 00:43:51,541
Gentlemen, you are
on the threshold of history!

726
00:44:07,732 --> 00:44:10,517
A little more room, gentlemen.
That's it.

727
00:44:10,604 --> 00:44:12,737
Wouldn't like to have
anybody injured.

728
00:44:12,824 --> 00:44:14,652
Further back.
Further back.

729
00:44:14,739 --> 00:44:17,089
Give this amphibian marvel
some room.

730
00:44:17,176 --> 00:44:21,136
- 'Ground your frog, sir.'
- To the starting line, Daniel.

731
00:44:34,976 --> 00:44:38,414
Aim, frog, and jump at will.

732
00:44:38,501 --> 00:44:40,678
Mind now. Only one tickle
on the first jump.

733
00:44:40,765 --> 00:44:42,680
- That's the law, neighbor.
- Thank you, judge.

734
00:44:42,767 --> 00:44:45,900
Daniel doesn't need it.

735
00:44:45,987 --> 00:44:48,033
Get your knees into it now,
Daniel.

736
00:44:48,120 --> 00:44:50,775
Get ready, Daniel.

737
00:44:50,862 --> 00:44:53,691
Flies, flies.

738
00:44:55,605 --> 00:44:57,129
That's the first jump!

739
00:45:00,045 --> 00:45:03,091
Pull yourself together, Daniel.
Get your mind on this.

740
00:45:03,178 --> 00:45:05,093
Give it everything.

741
00:45:05,180 --> 00:45:07,487
Flies. Flies.

742
00:45:09,228 --> 00:45:10,620
That's the second.

743
00:45:18,150 --> 00:45:19,673
I asked you to get further back.

744
00:45:19,760 --> 00:45:21,327
He's afraid to let go.

745
00:45:21,414 --> 00:45:23,459
Get back, folks!
Get back. Get back.

746
00:45:25,940 --> 00:45:28,987
Ah. Now he can jump.

747
00:45:29,074 --> 00:45:32,904
Stranger, would you be so kind
as to remove that face?

748
00:45:36,516 --> 00:45:38,474
Give it everything!

749
00:45:38,561 --> 00:45:41,086
Flies! Flies!

750
00:45:46,613 --> 00:45:49,659
You've never thrown off on me
yet, Daniel.

751
00:45:49,747 --> 00:45:53,011
If you love me, if you love me

752
00:45:53,098 --> 00:45:55,013
give me the beans!

753
00:45:55,100 --> 00:45:57,667
Flies. Flies!

754
00:45:59,060 --> 00:46:01,584
If he ain't budged
in 20 seconds he's out!

755
00:46:03,151 --> 00:46:06,894
Flies! Flies!

756
00:46:06,981 --> 00:46:09,854
[instrumental music

757
00:46:24,477 --> 00:46:26,261
That's the third jump.
That's official.

758
00:46:37,011 --> 00:46:39,971
I'll pay off every legal bet.
It's unusual weather.

759
00:46:40,058 --> 00:46:42,321
I demand a re-jump under more
auspicious conditions.

760
00:46:55,508 --> 00:46:57,597
Steve, I don't know how you got

761
00:46:57,684 --> 00:46:59,904
a full pound of buckshot
into Daniel.

762
00:46:59,991 --> 00:47:01,383
But it was very wrong.

763
00:47:01,470 --> 00:47:04,343
Yeah, but we sure won, didn't we?

764
00:47:04,430 --> 00:47:05,997
Ooh, what's the matter?
Ain't you happy?

765
00:47:06,084 --> 00:47:07,999
I didn't think
so much of our frog, Steve.

766
00:47:08,086 --> 00:47:09,652
He looked kind of puny to me

767
00:47:09,739 --> 00:47:12,264
so I bet everything we had
on the champ.

768
00:47:12,351 --> 00:47:14,266
On Daniel.

769
00:47:14,353 --> 00:47:16,834
You mean that you..
Hey. Hold on! Foul! No jump!

770
00:47:16,921 --> 00:47:18,531
Come on!
Give him a re-jump.

771
00:47:18,618 --> 00:47:20,359
All bets off!

772
00:47:25,494 --> 00:47:28,149
All bets off!

773
00:48:12,367 --> 00:48:14,587
You gonna keep on writing forever?

774
00:48:14,674 --> 00:48:16,632
Well, goodnight, Sam.
See you in the morning.

775
00:48:16,719 --> 00:48:20,419
Uh, Billings, uh, you mind
if I sign your name to this?

776
00:48:20,506 --> 00:48:23,074
What for?

777
00:48:23,161 --> 00:48:25,206
Well, I, I want
to send it to New York

778
00:48:25,293 --> 00:48:27,034
and it isn't much good.

779
00:48:27,121 --> 00:48:29,689
You sign my name to a lot of
silly drivel and I'll sue you.

780
00:48:29,776 --> 00:48:33,171
I aim to do a little writing
myself one of these days.

781
00:49:41,935 --> 00:49:43,023
- Sam!
- What?

782
00:49:43,110 --> 00:49:45,069
Quick!
It's been discovered!

783
00:49:45,156 --> 00:49:46,853
- What, the body?
- No, this.

784
00:49:46,940 --> 00:49:48,507
Look, it's worth $10,000 a ton.

785
00:49:48,594 --> 00:49:49,987
Oh, come on, Sam.

786
00:49:50,074 --> 00:49:51,684
You'll never get rich
writing and reading.

787
00:49:51,771 --> 00:49:54,078
And this is the richest strike
since the Comstock Lode.

788
00:49:54,165 --> 00:49:56,036
Now, look, everybody'll be there
ahead of us. Got to hurry.

789
00:49:56,123 --> 00:49:57,429
- Alright.
- Let's go.

790
00:49:59,953 --> 00:50:01,389
Buck just rode in with the word.

791
00:50:01,476 --> 00:50:03,304
The whole town's on the move.
We got to get horses.

792
00:50:03,391 --> 00:50:05,350
You round up the horses.
I'll get the riggin'.

793
00:50:05,437 --> 00:50:07,917
This is the chance
I've been waiting for.

794
00:50:28,329 --> 00:50:29,635
Pardon me.
I'm a stranger.

795
00:50:29,722 --> 00:50:31,593
That's alright, mister.
Who ain't?

796
00:50:39,862 --> 00:50:41,777
Where can I find Mark Twain?

797
00:50:41,864 --> 00:50:43,953
Better see Sam Clemens.
He knows everybody.

798
00:50:51,874 --> 00:50:53,702
Come on. Come on, hurry up
with that extra shoe.

799
00:50:53,789 --> 00:50:55,400
Hold your horses, fella.
Hold your horse.

800
00:50:55,487 --> 00:50:57,619
We got to get to going,
or everything will be took.

801
00:50:57,706 --> 00:51:00,666
I beg your pardon, do you know
a man named Mark Twain?

802
00:51:00,753 --> 00:51:02,494
I never heard of him.
Try the jail.

803
00:51:02,581 --> 00:51:05,149
I did, but you see..
I beg your pardon.

804
00:51:05,236 --> 00:51:06,454
- Oh, oh, do you..
- No.

805
00:51:06,541 --> 00:51:09,196
I.. Pardon me.
I beg your pardon..

806
00:51:43,012 --> 00:51:45,276
Say, this looks kind of familiar.

807
00:51:55,199 --> 00:51:56,678
That's the best I can do.

808
00:51:56,765 --> 00:51:58,245
I'm sorry, boys,
but there's nothing left.

809
00:51:58,332 --> 00:52:00,465
We've gotten rid of everything.
You're just too late.

810
00:52:00,552 --> 00:52:04,077
Tim! Tim! Check that load
up at the top shaft.

811
00:52:04,164 --> 00:52:05,948
Hey, mister,
where can we stake our claim?

812
00:52:06,035 --> 00:52:07,776
If you boys had only been
here an hour ago

813
00:52:07,863 --> 00:52:09,996
I could've sold you
50 or 60 feet of the vein

814
00:52:10,083 --> 00:52:11,998
at only a $1000 a foot.

815
00:52:12,085 --> 00:52:14,043
You mean there ain't any left
even at that?

816
00:52:14,131 --> 00:52:15,610
No, I'm sorry.

817
00:52:15,697 --> 00:52:19,440
Oh, Tim! Tim, you'll need
two teams on that.

818
00:52:19,527 --> 00:52:21,747
You remember this place, Sam?

819
00:52:21,834 --> 00:52:24,706
How we located our mine 'cause
the mule wouldn't go no further?

820
00:52:24,793 --> 00:52:27,492
We owned the whole mountain.

821
00:52:27,579 --> 00:52:29,537
Do you realize
where you're standing?

822
00:52:29,624 --> 00:52:31,800
Of course I realize
where I'm standing.

823
00:52:31,887 --> 00:52:33,237
I'm standing exactly in the marks

824
00:52:33,324 --> 00:52:35,064
where that other jackass stood.

825
00:52:37,197 --> 00:52:39,243
But I've traced Mark Twain
to this very office.

826
00:52:39,330 --> 00:52:41,680
- Huh? What's that again?
- Now, look, please.

827
00:52:41,767 --> 00:52:43,551
If you'll think a moment,
you must know a man

828
00:52:43,638 --> 00:52:44,596
named Mark Twain.

829
00:52:44,683 --> 00:52:46,163
Just one more pail of water.

830
00:52:46,250 --> 00:52:47,425
I kept on beggin' and beggin' you.

831
00:52:47,512 --> 00:52:48,774
But would you? No.

832
00:52:48,861 --> 00:52:50,906
Stop it, will you, Steve?

833
00:52:50,993 --> 00:52:52,691
You want to drive me crazy?

834
00:52:54,040 --> 00:52:56,216
So your mind's set, huh?

835
00:52:56,303 --> 00:53:00,351
Out in this country,
I'm nothing but a public risk.

836
00:53:00,438 --> 00:53:04,050
Well, I'm going to miss you,
Sam, you and your tall tales.

837
00:53:04,137 --> 00:53:06,400
A man won't know where to go
for a real overpowering lie

838
00:53:06,487 --> 00:53:08,359
with you out of the way.

839
00:53:08,446 --> 00:53:10,535
I'm through
playin' the fool, Steve.

840
00:53:10,622 --> 00:53:11,666
The only place in the world
where I belong

841
00:53:11,753 --> 00:53:13,233
is at the wheel of a steamboat

842
00:53:13,320 --> 00:53:16,454
and the quicker
I get back to it, the better.

843
00:53:16,541 --> 00:53:18,891
I'm sorry, Mr. Pond,
but I never heard the name.

844
00:53:18,978 --> 00:53:20,632
- Well, now look here..
- Here, son, quick.

845
00:53:20,719 --> 00:53:23,548
Grab some paper. We got to get
an extra in the street.

846
00:53:23,635 --> 00:53:24,897
Excuse me.

847
00:53:24,984 --> 00:53:26,725
Look here,
I'd like to ask you this..

848
00:53:26,812 --> 00:53:28,814
Fort Sumter's been fired on.

849
00:53:28,901 --> 00:53:30,511
- Fort Sumter?
- By who?

850
00:53:30,598 --> 00:53:32,121
The North and the South
are at war.

851
00:53:32,209 --> 00:53:33,601
The Mississippi River is closed.

852
00:53:33,688 --> 00:53:35,255
The federal army
is marching on Virginia.

853
00:53:35,342 --> 00:53:37,301
The.. The Mississippi River
is what?

854
00:53:37,388 --> 00:53:39,694
Blockade. Steamboat sunk
at St. Louis

855
00:53:39,781 --> 00:53:41,870
'trying to run
the shore batteries.'

856
00:53:44,003 --> 00:53:47,224
No steamboats?
No river trade?

857
00:53:47,311 --> 00:53:49,617
And maybe no country.
Here. Here, Billings.

858
00:53:49,704 --> 00:53:51,402
'Put this in column one.'

859
00:53:54,187 --> 00:53:55,928
Hey, where are you going?

860
00:53:56,015 --> 00:53:58,409
I'm going to push the Northern
Armies into the sea

861
00:53:58,496 --> 00:54:00,367
if I can get transportation.

862
00:54:00,454 --> 00:54:02,891
Wait a minute.
What's your name?

863
00:54:02,978 --> 00:54:05,024
Sam Clemens, river pilot.

864
00:54:05,111 --> 00:54:06,895
Oh.

865
00:54:06,982 --> 00:54:09,071
Well, there must be
a Mark Twain somewhere.

866
00:54:23,042 --> 00:54:26,611
Joe, put this Mark Twain
frog story

867
00:54:26,698 --> 00:54:29,004
in the front page
with the war news.

868
00:54:29,091 --> 00:54:31,050
On the front page, boss?

869
00:54:31,137 --> 00:54:32,965
If the country ever needed
one flicker of a smile

870
00:54:33,052 --> 00:54:34,706
it needs it now.

871
00:54:48,937 --> 00:54:51,549
"And he held Daniell upside down.

872
00:54:51,636 --> 00:54:54,900
That frog belched up
a double handful of birdshot."

873
00:54:56,945 --> 00:55:00,601
One man has kept laughter alive,
and I can't find him.

874
00:55:00,688 --> 00:55:03,996
Say, if you mean the fella
that wrote "The Jumpin' Frog"

875
00:55:04,083 --> 00:55:05,432
his name's Sam Clemens.

876
00:55:05,519 --> 00:55:07,869
Used to be pilot
of the Queen of Dixie.

877
00:55:07,956 --> 00:55:10,698
You'll likely find him
somewhere along the river.

878
00:55:39,684 --> 00:55:42,295
Pretty run-down, isn't she?

879
00:55:42,382 --> 00:55:43,992
Oh, I don't know.

880
00:55:44,079 --> 00:55:47,126
That's a good crop of oat hay
on the boiler deck.

881
00:55:47,213 --> 00:55:50,085
I'd give something to find
the pilot of that steamboat.

882
00:55:51,522 --> 00:55:53,567
I'd give something
to find a steamboat.

883
00:55:53,654 --> 00:55:55,700
Several years ago,
I went all the way to California

884
00:55:55,787 --> 00:55:57,441
looking for the pilot
of that boat.

885
00:55:57,528 --> 00:55:59,007
Could've made him a fortune too

886
00:55:59,094 --> 00:56:01,401
if I'd only known his name
was not Mark Twain.

887
00:56:02,968 --> 00:56:05,405
Isn't that a pretty slim clue?

888
00:56:05,492 --> 00:56:08,930
Must be dozens of people
not named Mark Twain.

889
00:56:09,017 --> 00:56:10,584
His name was Sam Clemens.

890
00:56:10,671 --> 00:56:12,978
Used to pilot this very boat.

891
00:56:13,065 --> 00:56:16,068
Say, aren't you..

892
00:56:16,155 --> 00:56:17,983
Yes, I remember.

893
00:56:18,070 --> 00:56:20,028
I met you in the office
of the Enterprise.

894
00:56:20,115 --> 00:56:23,641
You're Sam Clemens.
You wrote "The Jumping Frog."

895
00:56:23,728 --> 00:56:25,686
Say, this is great.
This is magnificent.

896
00:56:25,773 --> 00:56:27,514
I'll have you lecturing
in New York within two weeks.

897
00:56:27,601 --> 00:56:29,168
- Oh, no, you don't.
- I'll make you famous.

898
00:56:29,255 --> 00:56:30,517
- I'll make you successful.
- Not me.

899
00:56:30,604 --> 00:56:32,127
I tried making a speech once.

900
00:56:32,214 --> 00:56:33,520
Think of the opportunity.

901
00:56:33,607 --> 00:56:36,001
Oh, no, I'm not going to
make you any speech.

902
00:57:05,596 --> 00:57:07,511
Something must've happened.
That's a sure thing.

903
00:57:07,598 --> 00:57:08,816
We can't wait any longer, Sam.

904
00:57:08,903 --> 00:57:10,427
The senator
must've missed his train.

905
00:57:10,514 --> 00:57:12,298
Look here, Pond,
somebody's got to introduce me.

906
00:57:12,385 --> 00:57:14,082
Not a soul in that audience
knows me from Adam.

907
00:57:14,169 --> 00:57:15,780
You don't need an introduction.

908
00:57:15,867 --> 00:57:17,129
These people came to hear
the man who wrote

909
00:57:17,216 --> 00:57:18,173
"The Jumping Frog."

910
00:57:18,260 --> 00:57:20,001
Nobody remembers that.

911
00:57:20,088 --> 00:57:21,873
Pond, I'm sorry, I let you
holler me into this.

912
00:57:21,960 --> 00:57:24,484
I'm just not cut out for it,
that's all.

913
00:57:24,571 --> 00:57:26,747
I wish to heaven I never had
any relations with that frog.

914
00:57:26,834 --> 00:57:28,270
Just a minute.
You'll be alright.

915
00:57:28,357 --> 00:57:30,316
- You just go on.
- Don't push me into this.

916
00:57:30,403 --> 00:57:33,580
I tell you, I'd commit suicide
this minute if I had the pluck.

917
00:57:33,667 --> 00:57:35,408
And the outfit.

918
00:57:43,372 --> 00:57:45,679
Ladies and gentlemen..

919
00:57:50,379 --> 00:57:52,469
'I know that man.
His name's Sam Clemens.'

920
00:57:56,951 --> 00:57:59,519
It is my distinguished pleasure

921
00:57:59,606 --> 00:58:03,828
to introduce your
principal speaker tonight.

922
00:58:03,915 --> 00:58:06,526
Mark Twain is too well-known

923
00:58:06,613 --> 00:58:11,052
to require a formal
introduction at my hands

924
00:58:11,139 --> 00:58:15,709
so I'm out here
to do a useless thing

925
00:58:15,796 --> 00:58:17,885
and that's right in my line.

926
00:58:21,976 --> 00:58:23,282
Halley's Comet..

927
00:58:25,110 --> 00:58:27,025
Halley's Comet
comes back to this Earth

928
00:58:27,112 --> 00:58:31,116
every 75 years which is wonderful.

929
00:58:31,203 --> 00:58:34,859
Science cannot explain
why it wants to come back

930
00:58:34,946 --> 00:58:36,600
after a good look at us.

931
00:58:39,951 --> 00:58:43,476
Mark Twain, ahem,
Mark Twain rode into this world

932
00:58:43,563 --> 00:58:45,522
on the tail of that comet

933
00:58:45,609 --> 00:58:48,307
and, uh, after tonight,
a great many people

934
00:58:48,394 --> 00:58:50,570
are going to be disappointed
if it don't come right back

935
00:58:50,657 --> 00:58:51,963
and take him away again.

936
00:58:54,879 --> 00:58:56,837
I give you Mark Twain.

937
00:59:05,672 --> 00:59:08,588
I give you Mark Twain.

938
00:59:20,731 --> 00:59:24,343
I thank the previous speaker.

939
00:59:24,430 --> 00:59:27,564
I have seldom in my lifetime
listened to compliments

940
00:59:27,651 --> 00:59:31,785
so felicitously phrased
or so well deserved.

941
00:59:38,792 --> 00:59:40,838
When I think
of what the newspapers

942
00:59:40,925 --> 00:59:43,188
are going to do to me tomorrow

943
00:59:43,275 --> 00:59:45,625
I wish I could count on
as good an epitaph

944
00:59:45,712 --> 00:59:49,281
as we gave an old colored woman
I used to know

945
00:59:49,368 --> 00:59:51,979
who fell on a hot stove
and was roasted.

946
00:59:54,112 --> 00:59:56,505
After a great deal of thought

947
00:59:56,593 --> 00:59:59,900
we just put on her tombstone

948
00:59:59,987 --> 01:00:03,512
well done,
good and faithful servant.

949
01:00:09,083 --> 01:00:12,913
In one of my, uh,
recent southern-most trips

950
01:00:13,000 --> 01:00:16,525
uh, I overheard, uh, Satan himself

951
01:00:16,613 --> 01:00:18,876
complaining to a newcomer.

952
01:00:18,963 --> 01:00:21,835
He said, "The trouble
with you New York people

953
01:00:21,922 --> 01:00:25,970
"is that you think you're
the best people down here

954
01:00:26,057 --> 01:00:28,755
whereas you are merely
the most numerous."

955
01:00:52,779 --> 01:00:55,216
I thought I'd only be able
to speak about five minutes

956
01:00:55,303 --> 01:00:56,957
and I've talked
an hour and a half.

957
01:00:57,044 --> 01:01:00,221
I wonder if you'd let me say
one serious thing

958
01:01:00,308 --> 01:01:02,354
that I feel very much.

959
01:01:15,019 --> 01:01:17,891
I just want to say..

960
01:01:17,978 --> 01:01:20,328
...men will always vary

961
01:01:20,415 --> 01:01:24,637
in nature, race, creed,
and desires.

962
01:01:24,724 --> 01:01:27,771
They'll always be the,
the belligerent

963
01:01:27,858 --> 01:01:30,425
and the oppressed.

964
01:01:30,512 --> 01:01:33,994
But in our country, we can and..

965
01:01:34,081 --> 01:01:37,258
...and must hold fast
to our ideal of democracy

966
01:01:37,345 --> 01:01:40,392
because we've made it
a shining reality.

967
01:01:40,479 --> 01:01:43,003
'Let's cherish
our proud traditions'

968
01:01:43,090 --> 01:01:45,179
'of freedom and tolerance.'

969
01:01:45,266 --> 01:01:49,140
Let's vow that our tolerance
will never become indifference

970
01:01:49,227 --> 01:01:53,057
and our freedom
never become license.

971
01:01:53,144 --> 01:01:55,842
Let's respect each other's rights

972
01:01:55,929 --> 01:01:58,453
and defend with the pen,
if possible

973
01:01:58,540 --> 01:02:00,978
or the sword, if need be

974
01:02:01,065 --> 01:02:05,460
our inalienable privilege
to be a free and united people.

975
01:02:11,684 --> 01:02:14,208
Bravo! Bravo!

976
01:02:20,345 --> 01:02:22,347
This is indeed
a very great pleasure.

977
01:02:22,434 --> 01:02:24,131
Pardon me, Mr. Howells,
if you will wait here a moment

978
01:02:24,218 --> 01:02:26,003
I'll get Mr. Twain.
He's very anxious to meet you.

979
01:02:26,090 --> 01:02:29,136
- Certainly.
- How do you do?

980
01:02:29,223 --> 01:02:31,486
Will you excuse me, please?
William Dean Howells is here.

981
01:02:31,573 --> 01:02:33,488
- I just got hold of him.
- Who?

982
01:02:33,575 --> 01:02:34,838
Of the "Atlantic Monthly."

983
01:02:34,925 --> 01:02:36,665
The foremost literary critic
in the country.

984
01:02:36,753 --> 01:02:38,363
And he looks perfectly bland.

985
01:02:38,450 --> 01:02:41,279
Now look, please play up to him.
He's terribly important.

986
01:02:41,366 --> 01:02:44,021
- Mr. Howells.
- Were all those stories true?

987
01:02:44,108 --> 01:02:45,544
I wanted to tell you,
my aunt had the most

988
01:02:45,631 --> 01:02:48,852
amusing experience with a mule.

989
01:02:48,939 --> 01:02:52,681
- Mark, I'm very happy to--
- Just a moment.

990
01:02:52,769 --> 01:02:54,901
Good evening. Good evening.
How'd you enjoy the lecture?

991
01:02:54,988 --> 01:02:57,077
'He-he certainly has
a fine sense of humor.'

992
01:02:57,164 --> 01:02:58,862
'You know, I met him when he was
pilot on the Mississippi.'

993
01:02:58,949 --> 01:03:00,515
- 'I remember..'
- Hi.

994
01:03:00,602 --> 01:03:03,388
Oh, excuse me.
I'm so glad to see you.

995
01:03:03,475 --> 01:03:04,781
Olivia, I like to present
Mr. Clemens.

996
01:03:04,868 --> 01:03:06,130
Or Mr. Twain. My sister.

997
01:03:06,217 --> 01:03:09,263
I knew you in a second,
Mr. Clemens.

998
01:03:09,350 --> 01:03:12,353
I'm afraid I've been talking
to your sister all evening.

999
01:03:12,440 --> 01:03:14,703
Or did you notice?

1000
01:03:14,791 --> 01:03:16,836
Why, I..

1001
01:03:16,923 --> 01:03:19,012
We hope you'll make
an appearance in Elmira.

1002
01:03:19,099 --> 01:03:21,928
Well, thank you.
That's mighty kind.

1003
01:03:22,015 --> 01:03:25,845
Well, uh, we'll have to hurry
to catch our train.

1004
01:03:25,932 --> 01:03:27,804
What are we waiting for?
Come on.

1005
01:03:33,200 --> 01:03:34,549
Mark..

1006
01:03:34,636 --> 01:03:37,074
Yes, yes, yes,
I know, I know, but, uh..

1007
01:03:37,161 --> 01:03:38,684
How does he become a houseguest?

1008
01:03:38,771 --> 01:03:40,468
Honestly, father,
I don't quite know.

1009
01:03:40,555 --> 01:03:42,253
All this is rather
preposterous, you know.

1010
01:03:42,340 --> 01:03:45,212
Yes, sir, I'm afraid it's
more so than you realize, sir.

1011
01:03:45,299 --> 01:03:47,693
You see, when I met
Mr. Twain on the river

1012
01:03:47,780 --> 01:03:51,392
Olivia's picture caught his eye
and he promptly announced

1013
01:03:51,479 --> 01:03:53,090
that he was going to marry her.

1014
01:03:53,177 --> 01:03:55,962
Marry her?
He's got to get out of here.

1015
01:03:56,049 --> 01:03:58,269
The presumption of these
Westerners is beyond endurance.

1016
01:04:00,924 --> 01:04:04,188
So just as he grabs
for the cat, Mrs. Langdon

1017
01:04:04,275 --> 01:04:06,146
he-he slips on the icy rope.

1018
01:04:09,062 --> 01:04:11,935
And he goes avalanchin'
down through the trellis

1019
01:04:12,022 --> 01:04:14,067
'right in the middle
of my sister's party'

1020
01:04:14,154 --> 01:04:16,156
'in-in his nightshirt.'

1021
01:04:16,243 --> 01:04:17,331
Really?

1022
01:04:21,553 --> 01:04:22,989
Uh, ahem.

1023
01:04:23,076 --> 01:04:26,950
I tell you,
if you ever knew Jim Wolf..

1024
01:04:27,037 --> 01:04:29,126
I'm sorry to interrupt you,
Mr. Twain

1025
01:04:29,213 --> 01:04:32,825
but you barely have time
to make the 9:25.

1026
01:04:32,912 --> 01:04:35,045
- 'Why, Jervis--'
- 'I'm sorry.'

1027
01:04:37,482 --> 01:04:39,049
Oh.

1028
01:04:39,136 --> 01:04:41,051
I got no real call to..

1029
01:04:41,138 --> 01:04:43,618
I'd be happy to drive you
to the depot.

1030
01:04:43,705 --> 01:04:45,969
Don't put yourself to the trouble.

1031
01:04:46,056 --> 01:04:48,362
- Don't mention it.
- 'Carriage is ready, father.'

1032
01:04:48,449 --> 01:04:51,626
Thank you. Mr. Twain,
we'll just be able to make it.

1033
01:05:02,333 --> 01:05:05,249
Well, uh.. Goodbye.

1034
01:05:05,336 --> 01:05:07,904
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye, Mr. Twain.

1035
01:05:11,124 --> 01:05:14,693
Uh, I just want you to know

1036
01:05:14,780 --> 01:05:17,000
whatever happens next

1037
01:05:17,087 --> 01:05:19,263
I wouldn't have missed this.

1038
01:05:19,350 --> 01:05:22,483
'Not for all the steamboats
that ever rode the Mississippi.'

1039
01:05:31,362 --> 01:05:34,017
Goodbye, Mr. Clemens.
I hope we'll see you again soon.

1040
01:05:34,104 --> 01:05:36,236
Step right in, Mr. Twain.
We must hurry.

1041
01:05:49,162 --> 01:05:50,729
Whoa!

1042
01:05:52,035 --> 01:05:53,862
Now, how did he manage to do that?

1043
01:05:55,516 --> 01:05:57,040
'Mr. Clemens,
did you hurt yourself?'

1044
01:05:57,127 --> 01:05:58,737
What a stupid thing
to have happen.

1045
01:05:58,824 --> 01:06:00,739
- 'Careful, Charles. Careful.'
- Let's take him inside.

1046
01:06:00,826 --> 01:06:03,872
- Aw!
- Quick, get the doctor.

1047
01:06:17,625 --> 01:06:19,758
What part of the anatomy
did you say he fell on?

1048
01:06:19,845 --> 01:06:22,326
- I haven't the faintest idea.
- Ah. Psk.

1049
01:06:24,110 --> 01:06:25,633
Mm..

1050
01:06:36,818 --> 01:06:38,603
Well, just to be safe

1051
01:06:38,690 --> 01:06:40,561
we better not move him
for the present.

1052
01:06:45,001 --> 01:06:46,654
'He's certainly tame, isn't he?'

1053
01:06:46,741 --> 01:06:48,308
'Of course he is, Livy.'

1054
01:06:48,395 --> 01:06:50,963
You know as well as I do
there are no wild animals

1055
01:06:51,050 --> 01:06:53,270
until man makes them so.

1056
01:06:53,357 --> 01:06:55,750
I sometimes wonder
who's better off.

1057
01:06:55,837 --> 01:06:58,318
You do have a very weak opinion
of yourself, don't you?

1058
01:06:58,405 --> 01:06:59,711
I guess so.

1059
01:06:59,798 --> 01:07:01,756
I just don't belong in your world.

1060
01:07:01,843 --> 01:07:03,454
Then there's something wrong
with my world.

1061
01:07:03,541 --> 01:07:05,369
Oh, no, there isn't, Livy.

1062
01:07:05,456 --> 01:07:07,675
It's a wonderful world
because it's got you in it.

1063
01:07:10,200 --> 01:07:12,158
I'm an outsider.

1064
01:07:12,245 --> 01:07:15,379
A tramp pilot, a mudcat
with the river dried up.

1065
01:07:27,347 --> 01:07:30,133
Oh! There's an e-example
of our temperamental

1066
01:07:30,220 --> 01:07:31,786
New England weather.

1067
01:07:31,873 --> 01:07:34,572
That's the trouble with you
folks here in the East.

1068
01:07:34,659 --> 01:07:36,008
Everybody talks about the weather

1069
01:07:36,095 --> 01:07:37,531
but nobody does anything about it.

1070
01:07:43,102 --> 01:07:45,278
I guess you knew all the time
I've been here.

1071
01:07:45,365 --> 01:07:47,237
Yes, I, I did.

1072
01:07:47,324 --> 01:07:50,370
Now that you've found me out,
you gonna tell on me?

1073
01:07:53,199 --> 01:07:56,159
I always knew that some time
I'd have to come and find you

1074
01:07:56,246 --> 01:07:59,510
to see if you were real.

1075
01:07:59,597 --> 01:08:03,079
- But now..
- Now you're disappointed?

1076
01:08:03,166 --> 01:08:05,690
No, now that I know you,
you're so much finer

1077
01:08:05,777 --> 01:08:08,954
and so much dearer than anything
I could over dream.

1078
01:08:09,041 --> 01:08:11,043
I know you can't ever marry me.

1079
01:08:11,130 --> 01:08:13,306
I know now that isn't possible.

1080
01:08:13,393 --> 01:08:15,221
But, anyway I'll always be sure

1081
01:08:15,308 --> 01:08:17,789
the best thing I ever did
was to fall in love with you.

1082
01:08:20,096 --> 01:08:23,011
Well, I, I reckon I got
to give back something I've got

1083
01:08:23,099 --> 01:08:24,970
that doesn't rightfully
belong to me.

1084
01:08:28,843 --> 01:08:30,802
Why, where on earth
did you get this?

1085
01:08:30,889 --> 01:08:32,151
The first time I saw it

1086
01:08:32,238 --> 01:08:34,284
I knew I'd never seen
anyone so beautiful

1087
01:08:34,371 --> 01:08:37,635
and so sweet,
and so I, I stole it.

1088
01:08:37,722 --> 01:08:39,637
It's been in the bottom of mines

1089
01:08:39,724 --> 01:08:42,596
up mountains, across plains

1090
01:08:42,683 --> 01:08:45,860
everywhere with me
for a long time.

1091
01:08:47,732 --> 01:08:49,081
Why, Mark.

1092
01:08:52,345 --> 01:08:55,566
It's pretty silly of me,
I see now.

1093
01:08:55,653 --> 01:08:58,786
I couldn't even support you.

1094
01:08:58,873 --> 01:09:02,355
Your father's made that clear to
me in a hundred different ways.

1095
01:09:02,442 --> 01:09:05,053
And he's right.

1096
01:09:05,141 --> 01:09:06,577
Mark!

1097
01:09:06,664 --> 01:09:08,405
Why did you come East?

1098
01:09:08,492 --> 01:09:10,058
To look for you.

1099
01:09:10,146 --> 01:09:12,844
That's what brought
Sam Clemens here.

1100
01:09:12,931 --> 01:09:15,455
But, Mark, answer me this.

1101
01:09:15,542 --> 01:09:17,414
Why did Mark Twain come East?

1102
01:09:20,504 --> 01:09:21,766
You've forgotten about him,
haven't you?

1103
01:09:21,853 --> 01:09:23,159
I guess I have.

1104
01:09:23,246 --> 01:09:25,552
I'm not going to let you
forget him again.

1105
01:09:25,639 --> 01:09:28,990
Because I'm going
to be with you, Mark.

1106
01:09:29,077 --> 01:09:32,037
I don't care whether
we ever have anything or not.

1107
01:09:32,124 --> 01:09:33,125
I just want to be with you.

1108
01:09:33,212 --> 01:09:34,387
You can say that in spite

1109
01:09:34,474 --> 01:09:36,215
of your family and everybody?

1110
01:09:36,302 --> 01:09:37,564
And everything?

1111
01:09:37,651 --> 01:09:39,871
I knew it
the night of the lecture.

1112
01:09:39,958 --> 01:09:41,873
The first time I looked at you.

1113
01:09:41,960 --> 01:09:43,570
Livy, I'd split the world
wide open

1114
01:09:43,657 --> 01:09:45,529
for you to prove you're right.

1115
01:09:47,095 --> 01:09:48,793
So this is yours now.

1116
01:09:48,880 --> 01:09:51,622
And you can stop
all this lying and stealing.

1117
01:09:51,709 --> 01:09:55,713
Livy, I give you my word,
I'll never tell another lie.

1118
01:09:57,454 --> 01:09:59,238
He must've heard me.

1119
01:10:03,111 --> 01:10:04,069
Come in.

1120
01:10:14,688 --> 01:10:17,256
Sit down, Mr. Twain.

1121
01:10:17,343 --> 01:10:19,780
Or Mr. Clemens.

1122
01:10:19,867 --> 01:10:20,912
Rhymes with lemons.

1123
01:10:22,305 --> 01:10:24,959
Oh, I see.

1124
01:10:25,046 --> 01:10:27,614
I've finally heard
from your, uh, friends

1125
01:10:27,701 --> 01:10:30,661
whom you yourself
requested to write to me.

1126
01:10:30,748 --> 01:10:34,186
I guess I felt I needed
a few words in my favor.

1127
01:10:34,273 --> 01:10:36,536
This clergyman,
the Reverend Stephen Gillis

1128
01:10:36,623 --> 01:10:39,104
of, uh, Jackass Hill,
says that he expects you

1129
01:10:39,191 --> 01:10:41,106
to fill a drunkard's grave.

1130
01:10:41,193 --> 01:10:43,239
Now, would you look at that!

1131
01:10:43,326 --> 01:10:46,459
I suppose I've lied for
that man five hundred times.

1132
01:10:46,546 --> 01:10:48,461
Wouldn't you think
he could do as much for me

1133
01:10:48,548 --> 01:10:49,854
just this once?

1134
01:10:51,638 --> 01:10:54,467
Clemens, what kind
of people are these?

1135
01:10:54,554 --> 01:10:57,383
Haven't you a single real friend
in the world?

1136
01:10:57,470 --> 01:10:59,516
Surely don't seem so, does it?

1137
01:10:59,603 --> 01:11:01,169
I admire you for one thing,
Mr. Clemens.

1138
01:11:01,257 --> 01:11:02,693
Your cool courage makes Washington

1139
01:11:02,780 --> 01:11:05,435
of Valley Forge look timid.

1140
01:11:05,522 --> 01:11:06,958
Well, I.

1141
01:11:07,045 --> 01:11:09,308
I'm told that you're a writer.

1142
01:11:09,395 --> 01:11:10,962
Perhaps.

1143
01:11:11,049 --> 01:11:12,964
Perhaps we here have
a little different conception

1144
01:11:13,051 --> 01:11:15,619
as to what a writer is.

1145
01:11:15,706 --> 01:11:18,535
Emerson, Longfellow, Whittier,
Oliver Wendell Holmes

1146
01:11:18,622 --> 01:11:20,754
men born of these rocks and hills

1147
01:11:20,841 --> 01:11:23,888
great shadowy names
like Gods on Olympus.

1148
01:11:23,975 --> 01:11:25,629
We think of these as writers!

1149
01:11:27,761 --> 01:11:29,372
I should not have thought
that some

1150
01:11:29,459 --> 01:11:32,331
comic bits tossed off
in catch-penny papers

1151
01:11:32,418 --> 01:11:34,986
would have entitled anyone
to class himself among them.

1152
01:11:35,073 --> 01:11:37,075
Well, Mr. Langdon,
I don't claim to be--

1153
01:11:37,162 --> 01:11:38,903
I have talked to Livy,
I have no further hope

1154
01:11:38,990 --> 01:11:40,470
of changing her purpose.

1155
01:11:41,514 --> 01:11:43,255
You think it's as bad as..

1156
01:11:43,342 --> 01:11:44,996
Livy is a delicate,
sensitive girl.

1157
01:11:45,083 --> 01:11:47,651
You've elected to take her away
from everything she's lived for.

1158
01:11:47,738 --> 01:11:50,480
Mr. Langdon, I swear to you,
I'd give my life--

1159
01:11:50,567 --> 01:11:53,613
Father, Father!
Mother just gave me this.

1160
01:11:54,745 --> 01:11:56,268
Mark, look at it!

1161
01:11:57,574 --> 01:11:59,880
What is it, some kind o' summons?

1162
01:11:59,967 --> 01:12:01,882
No, no. It's the deed
to a house in Buffalo.

1163
01:12:01,969 --> 01:12:04,624
Father's wedding gift to us.

1164
01:12:04,711 --> 01:12:06,887
Oh, why did you have to scare me
so when all the time

1165
01:12:06,974 --> 01:12:08,889
you meant to do this
wonderful thing?

1166
01:12:08,976 --> 01:12:12,458
Livy, your happiness means
everything to me.

1167
01:12:12,545 --> 01:12:14,852
Well, Mr. Langdon, sir,
I just want you to know

1168
01:12:14,939 --> 01:12:16,897
if you're ever up in our vicinity

1169
01:12:16,984 --> 01:12:18,116
you can come and stay with us

1170
01:12:18,203 --> 01:12:20,074
stay over night, if you want to

1171
01:12:20,161 --> 01:12:21,815
and it won't cost you a cent!

1172
01:12:52,324 --> 01:12:54,805
- Good evening.
- Mr. Twain.

1173
01:12:54,892 --> 01:12:57,373
Good evening.
It's good to see you again.

1174
01:12:59,113 --> 01:13:01,289
I don't know how I'd stay
in business without you.

1175
01:13:01,377 --> 01:13:03,683
You got a contract
with some orphan asylum?

1176
01:13:03,770 --> 01:13:06,251
Oh, no. I like to play
with these, myself.

1177
01:13:06,338 --> 01:13:08,645
It's for a little boy,
a tiny little boy.

1178
01:13:08,732 --> 01:13:11,648
I know. I can tell
by the things you always pick.

1179
01:13:11,735 --> 01:13:12,997
Uh, how old is he?

1180
01:13:13,084 --> 01:13:15,042
Well, in some ways,
by actual count

1181
01:13:15,129 --> 01:13:16,653
he's only about a year, but..

1182
01:13:16,740 --> 01:13:18,829
But him and you
are just the same age.

1183
01:13:18,916 --> 01:13:20,178
Isn't that right?

1184
01:13:20,265 --> 01:13:22,702
I can run a month
on a compliment like that.

1185
01:13:22,789 --> 01:13:24,443
I, I know. I know.

1186
01:13:24,530 --> 01:13:27,403
Uh, you couldn't write like you
do if you was any different.

1187
01:13:28,708 --> 01:13:30,580
- Oh, Mr. Twain?
- Hmm?

1188
01:13:31,711 --> 01:13:32,973
Mr. Twain.

1189
01:13:33,060 --> 01:13:35,062
Could you do me the honor
to write your name

1190
01:13:35,149 --> 01:13:37,456
in "Innocents Abroad?"

1191
01:13:37,543 --> 01:13:41,025
- Hmm. Huh.
- I've read it four times.

1192
01:13:41,112 --> 01:13:42,940
Good. Good.

1193
01:13:43,027 --> 01:13:46,509
Oh, no. No, it's you
that's good to ask me.

1194
01:13:46,596 --> 01:13:48,859
Would you write your name
in "Roughing It"too?

1195
01:13:48,946 --> 01:13:50,774
I've read this one seven times.

1196
01:13:50,861 --> 01:13:53,864
'By George, I'm gonna
refund you my royalty.'

1197
01:13:55,561 --> 01:13:57,041
Will you bring your
little boy in to see me?

1198
01:13:57,128 --> 01:13:58,434
I'd like to meet him.

1199
01:13:58,521 --> 01:13:59,957
The very minute
he gets over his cold.

1200
01:14:00,044 --> 01:14:01,306
Good. Good.

1201
01:14:01,393 --> 01:14:03,874
Oh, how about this
nice Noah's Ark?

1202
01:14:03,961 --> 01:14:06,920
No, no.
I'm opposed to Noah.

1203
01:14:07,007 --> 01:14:08,400
This world would be
a lot better off

1204
01:14:08,487 --> 01:14:10,228
if Noah had missed the boat.

1205
01:14:11,925 --> 01:14:15,146
Here.
This is more like it.

1206
01:14:15,233 --> 01:14:17,540
Just what I wanted.

1207
01:14:17,627 --> 01:14:19,498
I'm sure he'll like this.

1208
01:14:33,730 --> 01:14:35,601
He doesn't see it.

1209
01:14:39,475 --> 01:14:41,781
He doesn't see it.

1210
01:14:50,834 --> 01:14:52,705
Get Dr. Quintard, quick!

1211
01:15:26,522 --> 01:15:28,480
Have some tea.

1212
01:15:35,574 --> 01:15:37,968
Is it going any better, Mark?

1213
01:15:38,055 --> 01:15:39,665
I can't write anything Livy.

1214
01:15:39,752 --> 01:15:42,189
I don't reckon I'll ever
write anything again.

1215
01:15:45,715 --> 01:15:49,588
I wanted to take our
little boy to Mississippi.

1216
01:15:49,675 --> 01:15:51,503
I wanted to take his hand

1217
01:15:51,590 --> 01:15:54,114
and wade with him
in the Mississippi mud.

1218
01:15:57,335 --> 01:16:00,512
I can feel that mud between
my own toes yet.

1219
01:16:02,732 --> 01:16:06,736
I can hear the steamboat
whistles far off down the bend.

1220
01:16:09,521 --> 01:16:11,436
'He'll never see the river now.'

1221
01:16:18,225 --> 01:16:21,533
No, Mark, our little
son will never see it.

1222
01:16:23,579 --> 01:16:26,538
But Mark, you must save
those things you loved.

1223
01:16:26,625 --> 01:16:29,323
You must save them for whole
generations of little boys

1224
01:16:29,410 --> 01:16:32,500
of all ages. Forever.

1225
01:16:34,024 --> 01:16:37,157
You mustn't let those
precious things be lost.

1226
01:16:39,856 --> 01:16:42,641
You're the only man who's
lived who can do it, Mark.

1227
01:16:42,728 --> 01:16:44,164
Because you're the only man
in the world

1228
01:16:44,251 --> 01:16:46,471
who still is that
little barefoot boy.

1229
01:16:47,603 --> 01:16:50,170
Wading in the Mississippi mud

1230
01:16:50,257 --> 01:16:52,216
playing out on the raft.

1231
01:16:52,303 --> 01:16:53,913
Watching the steamboats

1232
01:16:54,000 --> 01:16:56,263
the way you've told me
so many times.

1233
01:16:57,351 --> 01:16:59,658
It all seems so long ago.

1234
01:16:59,745 --> 01:17:01,442
But you'll remember.

1235
01:17:01,529 --> 01:17:04,402
You'll remember it all
as nobody else ever can.

1236
01:17:06,012 --> 01:17:07,971
You do remember.

1237
01:17:11,061 --> 01:17:13,063
You've got to remember.

1238
01:18:28,616 --> 01:18:31,271
Come on, Huck. Hurry, Jim.

1239
01:18:36,842 --> 01:18:38,975
Hey, Tom, what that say?

1240
01:18:39,062 --> 01:18:42,282
"What...does...pirates..

1241
01:18:42,369 --> 01:18:44,894
...have...to...do?"

1242
01:18:44,981 --> 01:18:46,852
"Tom said"

1243
01:18:46,939 --> 01:18:50,116
"Tom said?" Hey, that's me.

1244
01:18:51,074 --> 01:18:53,424
Hey, what did I say?

1245
01:18:58,559 --> 01:19:00,344
I wasn't asleep.

1246
01:19:01,606 --> 01:19:05,001
Just...resting my eyes.

1247
01:19:15,838 --> 01:19:18,101
- Have you nearly finished?
- Shh!

1248
01:19:22,366 --> 01:19:23,802
Oh, Mark.

1249
01:19:25,151 --> 01:19:27,458
Mark, it, it's so great

1250
01:19:27,545 --> 01:19:29,808
so human, so real.

1251
01:19:29,895 --> 01:19:31,984
Do you think
anybody will ever read it?

1252
01:19:32,071 --> 01:19:33,507
Read it?

1253
01:19:33,594 --> 01:19:35,422
Why the whole world
is going to read it

1254
01:19:35,509 --> 01:19:38,164
in every language,
in every country.

1255
01:19:38,251 --> 01:19:40,123
This year, and next
and in a thousand years

1256
01:19:40,210 --> 01:19:42,299
they'll still be reading it.

1257
01:19:42,386 --> 01:19:44,997
Do you know what you've done?

1258
01:19:45,084 --> 01:19:46,912
You've captured youth.

1259
01:19:46,999 --> 01:19:48,305
You've given eternal youth

1260
01:19:48,392 --> 01:19:51,003
to every living mortal
who can read.

1261
01:19:51,090 --> 01:19:53,353
Livy, if you like it,
that's all I care about.

1262
01:19:54,398 --> 01:19:56,574
Youth...that's what you are.

1263
01:19:58,402 --> 01:20:01,231
I'll never be able to think
of you as anything else.

1264
01:20:07,541 --> 01:20:09,674
Mr. Howells..

1265
01:20:09,761 --> 01:20:11,241
Mr. Howells..

1266
01:20:11,328 --> 01:20:12,459
Uh, would you sign this, please?

1267
01:20:12,546 --> 01:20:14,113
Why yes, of course.

1268
01:20:14,200 --> 01:20:16,159
Uh, that's Mark Twain's
latest work, isn't it, sir?

1269
01:20:16,246 --> 01:20:18,726
I think this book should cure
every torpid liver

1270
01:20:18,814 --> 01:20:20,076
and chronic grouch in America.

1271
01:20:20,163 --> 01:20:21,512
May I read it later, sir?

1272
01:20:21,599 --> 01:20:22,643
I've read everything he's written.

1273
01:20:22,730 --> 01:20:23,949
You have?

1274
01:20:24,036 --> 01:20:24,994
Oh, well, nearly everyone I know

1275
01:20:25,081 --> 01:20:26,299
has read "Roughing It", sir.

1276
01:20:26,386 --> 01:20:28,388
And "Tom Sawyer",
that was a great one.

1277
01:20:28,475 --> 01:20:30,608
All Mark Twain's books
have been great, Hardy.

1278
01:20:30,695 --> 01:20:32,349
I'll tell you how I know.

1279
01:20:32,436 --> 01:20:35,352
I try to read a book solely
from the standpoint of a critic.

1280
01:20:35,439 --> 01:20:37,528
In spite of everything,
I've had myself reading

1281
01:20:37,615 --> 01:20:40,009
Mark Twain's books from the
standpoint of a human being.

1282
01:20:40,096 --> 01:20:42,533
The public must agree
with you, sir.

1283
01:20:42,620 --> 01:20:44,404
Our subscriptions
jump enormously every time

1284
01:20:44,491 --> 01:20:46,754
Mark Twain's name
appears on the cover.

1285
01:20:46,842 --> 01:20:49,061
That reminds me. I want to
send him an invitation.

1286
01:20:49,148 --> 01:20:50,758
Is he at Quarry Farm
or at Hartford?

1287
01:20:50,846 --> 01:20:52,238
- 'Hartford, sir.'
- Good.

1288
01:20:52,325 --> 01:20:54,937
Take a letter
"My dear Mark Twain.."

1289
01:21:01,030 --> 01:21:02,466
It beats me.

1290
01:21:03,597 --> 01:21:05,077
It beats me.

1291
01:21:05,164 --> 01:21:07,166
How can they want me to speak?

1292
01:21:07,253 --> 01:21:08,951
At Whittier's birthday
of all places.

1293
01:21:09,038 --> 01:21:10,604
Oh, Mark, I knew it would come.

1294
01:21:10,691 --> 01:21:13,216
And William Dean Howells
of all people to ask you.

1295
01:21:13,303 --> 01:21:15,392
Remember the night you swept
by him after that lecture?

1296
01:21:15,479 --> 01:21:17,176
Do I remember..

1297
01:21:17,263 --> 01:21:18,699
- What are you looking for?
- Collar buttons.

1298
01:21:18,786 --> 01:21:20,310
- It's in your shirt.
- Oh, yeah.

1299
01:21:20,397 --> 01:21:21,702
They're having people with names

1300
01:21:21,789 --> 01:21:24,140
that we used to
start meals with in Missouri.

1301
01:21:24,227 --> 01:21:25,881
Ralph Waldo Emerson

1302
01:21:25,968 --> 01:21:27,534
Henry Waldo Longfellow

1303
01:21:27,621 --> 01:21:29,536
John Greenleaf Whittier.

1304
01:21:29,623 --> 01:21:31,234
Oliver "Waldo" Holmes.

1305
01:21:31,321 --> 01:21:34,193
Do you think I'd better speak
as Mark "Waldo" Twain?

1306
01:21:38,371 --> 01:21:40,199
Now, don't tell me
you're going to wear that.

1307
01:21:40,286 --> 01:21:42,245
I'm afraid I threw my necktie
out the window.

1308
01:21:42,332 --> 01:21:44,725
Oh, Mark, when will you stop
doing those things?

1309
01:21:44,812 --> 01:21:46,292
I'll find you another one.

1310
01:21:46,379 --> 01:21:47,728
Do you, do you suppose

1311
01:21:47,815 --> 01:21:49,774
they've actually read my things?

1312
01:21:49,861 --> 01:21:52,472
Oh they couldn't have.

1313
01:21:52,559 --> 01:21:54,605
It's just like unloading
an ordinary mud-cat

1314
01:21:54,692 --> 01:21:55,954
on a parcel of Gods.

1315
01:21:56,041 --> 01:21:58,348
Now, it isn't that at all.

1316
01:21:58,435 --> 01:21:59,871
It's just that
everything we've worked

1317
01:21:59,958 --> 01:22:01,612
and waited and hoped for

1318
01:22:01,699 --> 01:22:03,657
is suddenly all coming true.

1319
01:22:05,137 --> 01:22:07,574
I, I can't wait
to write to father.

1320
01:22:07,661 --> 01:22:10,447
I hooked the tie alright,
now she's fouled.

1321
01:22:20,152 --> 01:22:22,154
I'm William Dean Howells.

1322
01:22:23,634 --> 01:22:26,028
Well, come on in
if you feel alright.

1323
01:22:30,249 --> 01:22:32,773
Rest yourself, sir.

1324
01:22:32,860 --> 01:22:35,951
I suppose I'm the happiest
person in the world tonight.

1325
01:22:36,038 --> 01:22:37,996
For you to be recognized
and appreciated

1326
01:22:38,083 --> 01:22:39,693
by people who know what's fine.

1327
01:22:39,780 --> 01:22:42,000
Livy, if one literary gentleman
hollers "snag"

1328
01:22:42,087 --> 01:22:44,481
I'll probably jump overboard.

1329
01:22:44,568 --> 01:22:46,048
Come in.

1330
01:22:46,918 --> 01:22:48,485
Excuse me.

1331
01:22:48,572 --> 01:22:50,182
The-there is Mr. Howells.

1332
01:22:50,269 --> 01:22:52,489
He's standing quiet now.

1333
01:22:52,576 --> 01:22:54,273
He's standing
by the umbrella stand.

1334
01:22:54,360 --> 01:22:56,145
I had better go down.

1335
01:22:56,232 --> 01:22:59,365
Do give them
your best tonight, Mark.

1336
01:22:59,452 --> 01:23:02,151
I'll bust a boiler for them, Livy.

1337
01:23:02,238 --> 01:23:04,022
Don't forget,
I stay in town overnight.

1338
01:23:04,109 --> 01:23:05,850
I know dear.

1339
01:23:05,937 --> 01:23:07,765
Sir, Mr. Howells wants you
to fetch it and hurry.

1340
01:23:07,852 --> 01:23:09,462
I'll be there.

1341
01:23:09,549 --> 01:23:12,639
I don't know
which one these shoes..

1342
01:23:37,403 --> 01:23:38,317
Uh..

1343
01:23:39,927 --> 01:23:41,842
Oh, oh, hello, Pond!

1344
01:23:41,929 --> 01:23:44,584
Hey, Pond, have you, have you
got a pair of suspenders?

1345
01:23:44,671 --> 01:23:45,759
Suspenders? Sure.

1346
01:23:45,846 --> 01:23:47,239
Well, let me have them, will you?

1347
01:23:47,326 --> 01:23:49,415
Come on up the trellis.

1348
01:23:57,162 --> 01:24:01,427
Here, here,
let me give you a hand.

1349
01:24:01,514 --> 01:24:03,690
It hasn't been such a battle
between me and my equipment

1350
01:24:03,777 --> 01:24:06,563
since the Grand Turk
blew up mid stream.

1351
01:24:06,650 --> 01:24:08,217
- Is Howells here yet?
- Yes, he's downstairs.

1352
01:24:08,304 --> 01:24:10,219
Well, you know, Mark

1353
01:24:10,306 --> 01:24:13,265
this is the most important event
since I met you on the levy.

1354
01:24:13,352 --> 01:24:15,572
After tonight, you'll have those
bigwigs right in your pocket.

1355
01:24:15,659 --> 01:24:17,226
Yeah, I promise you
one thing, Pond

1356
01:24:17,313 --> 01:24:18,966
I'm gonna hoist those bigwigs

1357
01:24:19,054 --> 01:24:21,491
with the doggonit surprise
they ever had in their life.

1358
01:24:21,578 --> 01:24:24,450
It just came to me while
I was dismissing that shirt.

1359
01:24:24,537 --> 01:24:27,497
Yes sir, I hope those fellows
have a sense of humor.

1360
01:24:31,022 --> 01:24:33,677
And so, I give you Mark Twain.

1361
01:24:43,687 --> 01:24:46,168
Mr. Toastmaster..

1362
01:24:46,255 --> 01:24:47,473
Mr. Whittier..

1363
01:24:49,301 --> 01:24:50,911
Gentlemen.

1364
01:24:53,871 --> 01:24:56,047
Standing here on the shore
of the Atlantic

1365
01:24:56,134 --> 01:24:59,094
and contemplating certain of
it's literary billows..

1366
01:25:01,226 --> 01:25:04,882
...I'm reminded of a thing
that happened to me once.

1367
01:25:04,969 --> 01:25:08,755
When I had just succeeded
in stirring up a little..

1368
01:25:08,842 --> 01:25:11,671
...Western literary puddle myself.

1369
01:25:14,413 --> 01:25:17,242
I'm sure you're going to
enjoy Mark Twain, Mr. Whittier.

1370
01:25:17,329 --> 01:25:18,548
Yes.

1371
01:25:18,635 --> 01:25:20,985
I, uh, started an inspection tramp

1372
01:25:21,072 --> 01:25:23,205
through the mines of California.

1373
01:25:23,292 --> 01:25:26,121
I was callow and conceited.

1374
01:25:26,208 --> 01:25:30,037
And resolved to try
the virtue of my pen-name

1375
01:25:30,125 --> 01:25:32,127
I very soon had an opportunity.

1376
01:25:33,998 --> 01:25:37,784
I knocked at a miner's lonely
cabin in the Sierra Snows.

1377
01:25:37,871 --> 01:25:42,224
A melancholy, bare-footed
man opened the door.

1378
01:25:42,311 --> 01:25:45,792
And when I told him
I was Mark Twain..

1379
01:25:45,879 --> 01:25:48,360
...he looked more dejected
than before.

1380
01:25:51,885 --> 01:25:55,062
He let me in pretty
reluctantly I thought.

1381
01:25:55,150 --> 01:25:59,632
Then he said, in the voice of
one who is secretly suffering.

1382
01:25:59,719 --> 01:26:01,895
"You're the fourth literary man

1383
01:26:01,982 --> 01:26:05,203
who's been here in 48 hours.
I'm going to move."

1384
01:26:07,031 --> 01:26:10,861
Here, you don't tell me,
said I. Who are the others?

1385
01:26:10,948 --> 01:26:13,777
He said, uh, Mr. Longfellow

1386
01:26:13,864 --> 01:26:16,867
Mr. Emerson,
Mr. Oliver Wendell Holmes.

1387
01:26:16,954 --> 01:26:20,000
Consound such a rough bunch.

1388
01:26:22,742 --> 01:26:25,484
You can easily believe
I was interested.

1389
01:26:25,571 --> 01:26:28,226
I supplicated.

1390
01:26:28,313 --> 01:26:30,576
Three hot whiskeys did the rest.

1391
01:26:32,012 --> 01:26:36,408
Finally,
the melancholy miner began.

1392
01:26:36,495 --> 01:26:40,717
'Says he, Mr. Holmes
was as fat as a balloon'

1393
01:26:40,804 --> 01:26:43,763
'he weighed as much as
three hundred.'

1394
01:26:43,850 --> 01:26:47,376
'Mr. Emerson was a seedy little
bit of a chaff, red-headed.'

1395
01:26:48,855 --> 01:26:51,902
Mr. Longfellow was built
like a prizefighter.

1396
01:26:51,989 --> 01:26:53,730
'His head was cropped and bristly'

1397
01:26:53,817 --> 01:26:55,906
'like a wig made of hairbrushes.'

1398
01:26:55,993 --> 01:26:58,691
And they'd been drinking,
I could see that.

1399
01:27:00,215 --> 01:27:01,955
However, I..

1400
01:27:02,042 --> 01:27:04,741
However, as I start to
get out my bacon and beans

1401
01:27:04,828 --> 01:27:07,483
'Mr. Holmes gets
his eye on a jug.'

1402
01:27:07,570 --> 01:27:10,355
Says he, "Flash out a stream
of blood-red wine

1403
01:27:10,442 --> 01:27:12,227
for I would drink to other days".

1404
01:27:12,314 --> 01:27:15,230
'So, by George, I was getting
kind of worked up.'

1405
01:27:15,317 --> 01:27:18,798
- Did you sponsor this?
- It never occurred to me.

1406
01:27:18,885 --> 01:27:23,063
So now Mr. Emerson, uh,
he points to me and he says, uh

1407
01:27:23,150 --> 01:27:25,414
"Is yonder squalid peasant all that

1408
01:27:25,501 --> 01:27:28,025
'this proud nursery could breed?"'

1409
01:27:28,112 --> 01:27:30,375
'He was a whetting
of his Bowie knife'

1410
01:27:30,462 --> 01:27:33,204
on his boot at the time
so I let that pass.

1411
01:27:35,380 --> 01:27:38,035
I stopped the miner.

1412
01:27:38,122 --> 01:27:41,256
Said, uh, why these were not

1413
01:27:41,343 --> 01:27:45,260
the gracious singers to whom
the world pays loving reverence.

1414
01:27:46,261 --> 01:27:49,046
These were imposters.

1415
01:27:49,133 --> 01:27:52,484
The miner investigated me
for a while

1416
01:27:52,571 --> 01:27:54,356
and then said

1417
01:27:54,443 --> 01:27:57,881
"Ah, imposters were they?
Are you?"

1418
01:27:59,056 --> 01:28:02,102
I did not pursue the subject.

1419
01:28:04,366 --> 01:28:08,195
Emerson, Longfellow, Whittier,
Oliver Wendell Holmes.

1420
01:28:08,283 --> 01:28:10,763
We think of these as writers ..

1421
01:28:10,850 --> 01:28:13,984
and you compare yourself
to these men?

1422
01:28:16,203 --> 01:28:19,816
Mr. Chairman, in my enthusiasm

1423
01:28:19,903 --> 01:28:21,557
I may have exaggerated

1424
01:28:21,644 --> 01:28:23,689
the details a little.

1425
01:28:23,776 --> 01:28:27,780
But I hope you'll forgive me.

1426
01:28:27,867 --> 01:28:29,652
Since I believe
this is the first time

1427
01:28:29,739 --> 01:28:31,131
I have ever

1428
01:28:31,218 --> 01:28:35,005
deflected from
perpendicular fact..

1429
01:28:35,092 --> 01:28:37,877
...on an occasion like this.

1430
01:29:08,908 --> 01:29:11,258
Livy, please.

1431
01:29:12,085 --> 01:29:13,609
Please.

1432
01:29:16,046 --> 01:29:18,135
I ought to be shot.

1433
01:29:19,658 --> 01:29:21,138
I guess almost anybody
would be glad

1434
01:29:21,225 --> 01:29:23,923
to furnish the powder and lead.

1435
01:29:24,010 --> 01:29:28,101
I don't see how any one man
can be so many kinds of a fool.

1436
01:29:29,102 --> 01:29:30,713
Mark.

1437
01:29:36,066 --> 01:29:37,372
Livy..

1438
01:29:38,634 --> 01:29:40,244
...what on earth
ever persuaded you

1439
01:29:40,331 --> 01:29:42,899
to marry
such an insufferable idiot?

1440
01:29:43,813 --> 01:29:45,249
Mark, I..

1441
01:29:45,336 --> 01:29:47,512
...I'm only crying because..

1442
01:29:50,689 --> 01:29:53,257
...because I've been reading
your new story

1443
01:29:53,344 --> 01:29:55,085
your Huckleberry Finn.

1444
01:29:55,172 --> 01:29:57,304
It's the greatest thing
you've ever done.

1445
01:29:57,392 --> 01:30:00,133
It's greater than Tom Sawyer.

1446
01:30:00,220 --> 01:30:03,746
Don't you know..
Haven't you heard?

1447
01:30:03,833 --> 01:30:07,576
You must tell me what's coming
next in this wonderful story.

1448
01:30:07,663 --> 01:30:10,970
And tell me by writing it,
so it won't be lost.

1449
01:30:12,668 --> 01:30:14,800
Finishing this is more important

1450
01:30:14,887 --> 01:30:17,499
than anything else
could be in the world.

1451
01:30:18,282 --> 01:30:19,631
Believe me.

1452
01:30:19,718 --> 01:30:21,154
Believe me, Mark.

1453
01:30:21,241 --> 01:30:23,113
This is what matters.

1454
01:30:26,464 --> 01:30:28,814
It hardly seems possible
that I could ever..

1455
01:30:28,901 --> 01:30:31,861
But if this is half as good
as Livy seems to think..

1456
01:30:35,734 --> 01:30:37,214
I'm sorry, Mark.

1457
01:30:37,301 --> 01:30:38,868
I hardly do
but to borrow the papers

1458
01:30:38,955 --> 01:30:40,696
but Livy must have
cut out the reports

1459
01:30:40,783 --> 01:30:43,438
'hoping you wouldn't see them.'

1460
01:30:46,832 --> 01:30:49,444
Don't let it beat you, Mark.

1461
01:30:49,531 --> 01:30:51,968
That girl believed in me
when not one voice

1462
01:30:52,055 --> 01:30:55,188
not a word was raised
on my behalf.

1463
01:30:55,275 --> 01:30:58,975
I promised my immortal soul that
I would prove she was right.

1464
01:30:59,062 --> 01:31:00,933
I didn't know then
that I'd have to change myself

1465
01:31:01,020 --> 01:31:02,631
clear down to the roots.

1466
01:31:02,718 --> 01:31:05,329
The way I think,
the way I, I breathe

1467
01:31:05,416 --> 01:31:08,245
the words I know,
but I can do that too.

1468
01:31:08,332 --> 01:31:10,943
I'll start again. I'll change
the name I write with.

1469
01:31:11,030 --> 01:31:13,772
"Mark Twain?" The Mississippi
river did this to Livy.

1470
01:31:13,859 --> 01:31:15,774
The mud of Mississippi
is in my blood.

1471
01:31:15,861 --> 01:31:17,428
Oh, Pond, I'm going to get it out.

1472
01:31:17,515 --> 01:31:20,300
I'm going to get it out
if it's the last thing do!

1473
01:31:29,658 --> 01:31:31,311
Mark, why won't you tell
me where we're going?

1474
01:31:31,398 --> 01:31:33,357
Because I want to astound you.

1475
01:31:33,444 --> 01:31:35,664
- You'll see in a few minutes.
- Can't you even say?

1476
01:31:35,751 --> 01:31:37,187
All I can say is
you're going to see something

1477
01:31:37,274 --> 01:31:39,319
that's gonna revolutionize
the civilized world.

1478
01:31:39,406 --> 01:31:42,192
- Oh, is that all?
- It will change our lives too.

1479
01:31:42,279 --> 01:31:45,021
- Change our lives?
- I have plans, Livy.

1480
01:31:45,108 --> 01:31:47,850
Plans for getting myself
out of the mud.

1481
01:31:47,937 --> 01:31:49,591
It's a plunge, I know that.

1482
01:31:49,678 --> 01:31:52,507
Before we're through we may have
to pitch in every cent we got.

1483
01:31:52,594 --> 01:31:54,378
But what an opportunity.

1484
01:31:54,465 --> 01:31:55,858
Livy, this is the best thing
that's happened to me

1485
01:31:55,945 --> 01:31:58,338
since the day
Joe Twitchell married us.

1486
01:32:00,732 --> 01:32:02,429
Isn't it wonderful, Livy?

1487
01:32:02,517 --> 01:32:04,301
Nothing like it has ever been
seen in the world before.

1488
01:32:04,388 --> 01:32:06,695
When I was a boy, I never
dreamed it was possible.

1489
01:32:06,782 --> 01:32:09,045
- What is it?
- It's a Typesetter.

1490
01:32:09,132 --> 01:32:11,787
It sets type all by itself
when you press these keys.

1491
01:32:11,874 --> 01:32:13,353
I know it looks
ridiculous now, Livy

1492
01:32:13,440 --> 01:32:14,703
but the principle is amazing.

1493
01:32:14,790 --> 01:32:16,400
It picks up the type here

1494
01:32:16,487 --> 01:32:18,924
and it sets it altogether
in the proper place here.

1495
01:32:19,011 --> 01:32:20,665
Think of it, Livy,
a machine setting

1496
01:32:20,752 --> 01:32:23,276
hundreds of words a minute,
thousands of pages a day.

1497
01:32:23,363 --> 01:32:25,061
Hey, that's right, Mrs. Clemens.

1498
01:32:25,148 --> 01:32:27,759
Of course this machine is just
to gives you a crude idea.

1499
01:32:27,846 --> 01:32:30,849
Just the principle of
the thing. I'll show you.

1500
01:32:30,936 --> 01:32:33,548
First, you wind the helical spring

1501
01:32:33,635 --> 01:32:34,853
then, you release these..

1502
01:32:37,073 --> 01:32:39,510
...and the line's catch..

1503
01:32:39,597 --> 01:32:41,077
...engage the clutch

1504
01:32:41,164 --> 01:32:43,166
then you sit down
and play it like an organ.

1505
01:32:54,917 --> 01:32:55,831
See.

1506
01:32:57,397 --> 01:32:59,661
What did I tell you?

1507
01:33:03,926 --> 01:33:06,058
'I-it needs a little adjustment.'

1508
01:33:15,328 --> 01:33:18,375
Ouch! It's, it's uncanny.

1509
01:33:18,462 --> 01:33:20,246
Can you see it, Livy?

1510
01:33:20,333 --> 01:33:22,597
Mark, is this what we're putting
all our money into?

1511
01:33:22,684 --> 01:33:24,642
I don't mean this thing
the way it is now.

1512
01:33:24,729 --> 01:33:26,557
I'm seeing a great,
smooth-running engine

1513
01:33:26,644 --> 01:33:28,385
the way it's going to be someday.

1514
01:33:28,472 --> 01:33:31,083
It will reduce the cost
of printing fifty percent.

1515
01:33:31,170 --> 01:33:32,694
If we can get it perfected in time

1516
01:33:32,781 --> 01:33:34,391
to start our publishing house
with this.

1517
01:33:34,478 --> 01:33:36,306
What publishing house?

1518
01:33:36,393 --> 01:33:37,699
Livy..

1519
01:33:37,786 --> 01:33:39,439
...Huck Finn
is the last funny book

1520
01:33:39,526 --> 01:33:41,224
I'm ever going to write. I hope.

1521
01:33:41,311 --> 01:33:44,531
It's royalties will have to
last us a long time

1522
01:33:44,619 --> 01:33:47,360
so I'm, I'm gonna
publish it myself.

1523
01:33:47,447 --> 01:33:48,927
Mark, have you gone
out of your mind?

1524
01:33:49,014 --> 01:33:51,408
I got 50 ideas to making
publishing into a real thing.

1525
01:33:51,495 --> 01:33:53,018
A new kind of publishing.

1526
01:33:53,105 --> 01:33:54,585
But no writer
has ever before done it.

1527
01:33:54,672 --> 01:33:56,500
That's it, nobody
but we'll do it now.

1528
01:33:56,587 --> 01:33:58,937
We'll sell a hundred thousand
copies, a million copies.

1529
01:33:59,024 --> 01:34:01,723
Cover the whole country.
Own our own paper-mill.

1530
01:34:01,810 --> 01:34:02,898
Then my hands will be free

1531
01:34:02,985 --> 01:34:04,987
to write something
serious and good.

1532
01:34:05,074 --> 01:34:07,511
But, Mark, everybody reads
your stories and loves them.

1533
01:34:07,598 --> 01:34:09,905
But it isn't good enough, Livy.

1534
01:34:09,992 --> 01:34:12,342
There are people in the world
whose proper company

1535
01:34:12,429 --> 01:34:14,649
is among the stars of the heavens.

1536
01:34:14,736 --> 01:34:16,868
You are one of them.

1537
01:34:16,955 --> 01:34:19,523
I mean to get
the stars for you, Livy.

1538
01:34:21,264 --> 01:34:23,788
You know, a little change here

1539
01:34:23,875 --> 01:34:25,834
a little change there

1540
01:34:25,921 --> 01:34:27,749
$5,000 more, and we'll perfect it.

1541
01:34:27,836 --> 01:34:30,403
'Fine, fine.
I'll give you a check.'

1542
01:34:30,490 --> 01:34:33,798
I tell you, we'll astound
the world with that typesetter.

1543
01:34:33,885 --> 01:34:36,540
Yes, sir. This is certainly
the age of progress.

1544
01:34:36,627 --> 01:34:38,455
Why, it beats me
how anyone can keep

1545
01:34:38,542 --> 01:34:40,500
from getting rich in this country.

1546
01:34:40,587 --> 01:34:44,287
Telegraph lines race out and
tie the hemisphere together.

1547
01:34:44,374 --> 01:34:48,073
Railroads done roll across
thousands of miles.

1548
01:34:48,160 --> 01:34:50,902
The whole nation is coming of age.

1549
01:34:50,989 --> 01:34:53,426
Great new leaders rise up.

1550
01:34:53,513 --> 01:34:56,429
A Missouri tanner who fought
the battle of the wilderness.

1551
01:34:56,516 --> 01:34:58,954
Leads his country in new
victories and peace.

1552
01:34:59,041 --> 01:35:00,651
The typesetter
has developed too, Mark.

1553
01:35:00,738 --> 01:35:02,697
$10,000 more will perfect it.

1554
01:35:02,784 --> 01:35:04,263
Our publishing house
is growing, Mark.

1555
01:35:04,350 --> 01:35:06,309
It's gross is running
tens of thousands.

1556
01:35:06,396 --> 01:35:08,311
Yeah, but why don't
we make some profits?

1557
01:35:08,398 --> 01:35:10,052
Another funny book, Mark.

1558
01:35:10,139 --> 01:35:12,228
You must have money.
Another, and then another.

1559
01:35:12,315 --> 01:35:14,056
One more funny book,
for the publishing house.

1560
01:35:14,143 --> 01:35:15,884
One more for the typesetter.

1561
01:35:15,971 --> 01:35:20,149
Whole cities spring up.
Great industries are born.

1562
01:35:20,236 --> 01:35:22,455
My part is to think up a giggle.

1563
01:35:22,542 --> 01:35:24,066
Another book, another.

1564
01:35:24,153 --> 01:35:26,111
$5,000 more will perfect it.

1565
01:35:26,198 --> 01:35:27,460
The publishing house
needs money, Mark.

1566
01:35:27,547 --> 01:35:29,506
Another book, another!
Perfect it.

1567
01:35:29,593 --> 01:35:31,073
- $5,000.
- $10,000.

1568
01:35:31,160 --> 01:35:33,379
- Money, money, money!
- Money, money!

1569
01:35:33,466 --> 01:35:35,120
Is there any end to this?

1570
01:35:35,207 --> 01:35:39,037
Can't I even free my hands
for one year, for one week?

1571
01:35:39,124 --> 01:35:42,345
To do the single, fine,
serious work I owe to Livy.

1572
01:35:42,432 --> 01:35:44,216
One more funny book, one more.

1573
01:35:44,303 --> 01:35:45,609
For the typesetter,
for the publishing house.

1574
01:35:45,696 --> 01:35:47,132
More, Mark. More.

1575
01:35:47,219 --> 01:35:49,744
For the typesetter,
the typesetter, the typesetter.

1576
01:35:49,831 --> 01:35:52,790
$10,000 more, Mr. Twain.

1577
01:35:52,877 --> 01:35:56,185
Can't I even get
five minutes to swim?

1578
01:35:56,272 --> 01:35:59,014
While I scribble and scribble
year after year

1579
01:35:59,101 --> 01:36:01,799
I tell you the world
is going away from me.

1580
01:36:01,886 --> 01:36:04,019
Would you stop now
after ten years of struggle

1581
01:36:04,106 --> 01:36:05,542
and lose all you've invested?

1582
01:36:05,629 --> 01:36:06,630
Yes!

1583
01:36:08,023 --> 01:36:11,417
I've gotten into
the worst mess ever seen.

1584
01:36:11,504 --> 01:36:14,812
Well, you're the best financier
in New York, Rogers.

1585
01:36:14,899 --> 01:36:16,814
All you got to do
is just get me out.

1586
01:36:16,901 --> 01:36:18,860
Well, when you asked me to
straighten out your affairs

1587
01:36:18,947 --> 01:36:21,906
Mark, I had no idea
they were so involved.

1588
01:36:21,993 --> 01:36:23,952
I want to get shot of everything.

1589
01:36:24,039 --> 01:36:25,692
The typesetter,
the publishing house.

1590
01:36:25,780 --> 01:36:28,652
I'm glad to hear
you say that, Mark.

1591
01:36:28,739 --> 01:36:31,437
I believe I can
get you out of this now

1592
01:36:31,524 --> 01:36:32,961
and still avoid bankruptcy.

1593
01:36:33,048 --> 01:36:36,399
Good, and just as soon
as I publish this last book

1594
01:36:36,486 --> 01:36:38,053
we close the whole shebang.

1595
01:36:38,140 --> 01:36:40,664
Mark, if you invest
one more cent in anything

1596
01:36:40,751 --> 01:36:42,535
I can't get you out.

1597
01:36:42,622 --> 01:36:44,929
This is the memoirs
of Ulysses S. Grant.

1598
01:36:45,016 --> 01:36:47,149
- This is living history.
- I'm sorry, Mark.

1599
01:36:47,236 --> 01:36:49,673
But if you're going to get
yourself out with a whole skin

1600
01:36:49,760 --> 01:36:51,066
you've got to stop now.

1601
01:36:51,153 --> 01:36:52,676
You can't publish this
or any other book.

1602
01:36:52,763 --> 01:36:53,808
This..

1603
01:36:57,550 --> 01:36:58,813
Well, alright.

1604
01:37:00,118 --> 01:37:02,120
I'll see Grant and explain.

1605
01:37:03,513 --> 01:37:05,907
I guess he'll understand.

1606
01:37:16,265 --> 01:37:18,441
- Oh, Mr. Twain.
- Is the general in?

1607
01:37:18,528 --> 01:37:20,878
Yes, sir. He's in the study.

1608
01:37:27,580 --> 01:37:30,583
Mr. Twain, come in, come in.

1609
01:37:32,716 --> 01:37:35,023
- This is an honor.
- General.

1610
01:37:35,110 --> 01:37:38,374
I regret that illness
prevents me from rising.

1611
01:37:38,461 --> 01:37:39,984
Pull up a chair.

1612
01:37:40,071 --> 01:37:42,508
- Sit down my friend.
- Thank you.

1613
01:37:42,595 --> 01:37:44,946
I regret also that circumstances

1614
01:37:45,033 --> 01:37:47,339
prevent me from greeting you
with more

1615
01:37:47,426 --> 01:37:49,776
pomp and ceremony.

1616
01:37:49,864 --> 01:37:52,431
- Sit down.
- Oh, general, I..

1617
01:37:53,302 --> 01:37:54,956
I had no idea.

1618
01:37:55,043 --> 01:37:57,741
You had, Mr. Twain.
But then times are moving.

1619
01:37:57,828 --> 01:38:01,136
Humanity is busy
with its own affairs.

1620
01:38:01,223 --> 01:38:03,703
I believe
you once said yourself that

1621
01:38:03,790 --> 01:38:08,970
"Poverty is no disgrace, but it
is a damnable inconvenience."

1622
01:38:12,103 --> 01:38:14,584
I presume you've come
to talk about my book.

1623
01:38:14,671 --> 01:38:16,064
Oh, yes.

1624
01:38:16,151 --> 01:38:19,719
Yes, I...have come
about the book.

1625
01:38:19,806 --> 01:38:22,809
I was delighted
to have received your letters

1626
01:38:22,897 --> 01:38:25,421
and to know that you thought
so highly of my work.

1627
01:38:25,508 --> 01:38:28,728
General, you've had
offers from other publishers.

1628
01:38:28,815 --> 01:38:29,947
Yes, yes.

1629
01:38:30,034 --> 01:38:32,602
- You can see them.
- Okay.

1630
01:38:40,262 --> 01:38:42,090
This is ridiculous.

1631
01:38:43,265 --> 01:38:45,180
This is outrageous.

1632
01:38:46,311 --> 01:38:47,530
At every point they've sensed

1633
01:38:47,617 --> 01:38:48,661
the fair thing to do

1634
01:38:48,748 --> 01:38:50,881
and scrupulously avoided it.

1635
01:38:50,968 --> 01:38:53,362
Only ten percent royalty.

1636
01:38:53,449 --> 01:38:54,972
General, if you ever
permit yourself

1637
01:38:55,059 --> 01:38:56,887
to sign such a contract as this..

1638
01:38:56,974 --> 01:38:59,672
Well, isn't that all I have
a right to expect?

1639
01:38:59,759 --> 01:39:01,761
A "right to expect"?

1640
01:39:02,849 --> 01:39:04,634
General Grant

1641
01:39:04,721 --> 01:39:07,898
who has a right
to expect more than you?

1642
01:39:07,985 --> 01:39:09,769
In his own times perhaps, general

1643
01:39:09,856 --> 01:39:11,684
no man is truly great.

1644
01:39:11,771 --> 01:39:13,512
But believe me, sir

1645
01:39:13,599 --> 01:39:15,775
millions of children yet unborn

1646
01:39:15,862 --> 01:39:18,648
will know and realize
your greatness.

1647
01:39:19,649 --> 01:39:20,955
Mr. Twain..

1648
01:39:22,260 --> 01:39:23,958
...that's the sincerest tribute

1649
01:39:24,045 --> 01:39:26,525
that has ever been paid
to any man.

1650
01:39:31,182 --> 01:39:32,836
Mark, you are insane.

1651
01:39:32,923 --> 01:39:35,882
I warn you, this will bring
about your absolute ruin.

1652
01:39:35,970 --> 01:39:37,623
I saw Grant ride in to Washington

1653
01:39:37,710 --> 01:39:38,929
at the head of 50,000 men.

1654
01:39:39,016 --> 01:39:40,975
Lean, strong, victorious.

1655
01:39:41,062 --> 01:39:42,889
He rode straight into
the White House then

1656
01:39:42,977 --> 01:39:44,935
and I saw him yesterday.
It was unbelievable.

1657
01:39:45,022 --> 01:39:48,025
He sat there broken, sick.
Oh, literally dying.

1658
01:39:48,112 --> 01:39:50,854
- But still courageous!
- Well, we'll put on a campaign.

1659
01:39:50,941 --> 01:39:52,682
That's exactly what we can't do.

1660
01:39:52,769 --> 01:39:54,075
Yeah, but, Mark,
there are other publishers.

1661
01:39:54,162 --> 01:39:56,077
I've seen their offers.

1662
01:39:56,164 --> 01:39:57,469
They're taking miserable advantage

1663
01:39:57,556 --> 01:39:59,167
of his poverty and humiliation.

1664
01:39:59,254 --> 01:40:01,734
A cash advance, and seventy
percent of the gross?

1665
01:40:01,821 --> 01:40:03,519
Have you committed yourself
to these terms?

1666
01:40:03,606 --> 01:40:05,738
I tell you there are things here
bigger than you or me, Roger.

1667
01:40:05,825 --> 01:40:07,436
Sir General Grant even.

1668
01:40:07,523 --> 01:40:09,003
If we turn our back
on a man like that

1669
01:40:09,090 --> 01:40:10,830
we're changing ourselves
into something cowardly

1670
01:40:10,917 --> 01:40:12,136
and weak and mean.

1671
01:40:12,223 --> 01:40:14,095
It takes all the dignity
out of humanity.

1672
01:40:14,182 --> 01:40:16,619
It leaves us nothing
but ashamed of what we are

1673
01:40:16,706 --> 01:40:18,403
Well, all that isn't
on your shoulders, Mark.

1674
01:40:18,490 --> 01:40:20,492
You know that I could publish
this manuscript of his.

1675
01:40:20,579 --> 01:40:22,929
And overnight his sad,
broken beggary would end.

1676
01:40:23,017 --> 01:40:24,975
Do you honestly believe
that Grant's book

1677
01:40:25,062 --> 01:40:26,890
would prove
such a tremendous success--

1678
01:40:26,977 --> 01:40:29,719
I'm not, I'm not interested
in making one penny

1679
01:40:29,806 --> 01:40:32,461
on the rescue of General Grant.

1680
01:40:32,548 --> 01:40:34,158
Then that settles it.

1681
01:40:34,245 --> 01:40:36,595
I tell you again Mark,
if you do this one thing more

1682
01:40:36,682 --> 01:40:38,249
I can never get you out.

1683
01:40:38,336 --> 01:40:40,251
You'll be writing
for the rest of your life

1684
01:40:40,338 --> 01:40:42,036
just to pay off your debts.

1685
01:40:42,123 --> 01:40:44,516
With bankruptcy
staring you in the face.

1686
01:40:44,603 --> 01:40:46,518
Might be worth it.

1687
01:40:46,605 --> 01:40:49,782
Mark, General Grant would be
the last one in the world

1688
01:40:49,869 --> 01:40:52,916
to permit the slightest risk
to anyone but himself.

1689
01:40:53,003 --> 01:40:56,137
I beg of you, please consider
it carefully and calmly.

1690
01:41:11,413 --> 01:41:14,372
Katie, Katie Leary!

1691
01:41:14,459 --> 01:41:16,853
Where in blazes are my
pipe-cleaners now?

1692
01:41:16,940 --> 01:41:18,637
What kind of ornery
dunder-headed trifling

1693
01:41:18,724 --> 01:41:20,248
do I have to put up with
around here?

1694
01:41:20,335 --> 01:41:22,163
Katie Leary, you wild Irish Fenian

1695
01:41:22,250 --> 01:41:23,947
what do you mean by this?
How many thousand times have I..

1696
01:41:24,034 --> 01:41:25,427
What was the actual reason
that you know

1697
01:41:25,514 --> 01:41:26,645
that you should be
hollering the top off..

1698
01:41:26,732 --> 01:41:28,517
Let me tell you something,
Katie Leary

1699
01:41:28,604 --> 01:41:29,866
there's nothing lower
on this earth

1700
01:41:29,953 --> 01:41:31,215
than a pipe-cleaner stealer!

1701
01:41:31,302 --> 01:41:32,477
Oh, you should be ashamed to..

1702
01:41:32,564 --> 01:41:34,479
With the little ones
so close and in bed.

1703
01:41:34,566 --> 01:41:36,481
So upset they'll be
with your bawling and bellowing

1704
01:41:36,568 --> 01:41:38,048
that they fair fail
to get a wink of sleep.

1705
01:41:38,135 --> 01:41:40,616
That pipe-cleaner was worth
upwards of 5,000 dollars.

1706
01:41:40,703 --> 01:41:43,140
If you'd stop your infernal
raids on my desk

1707
01:41:43,227 --> 01:41:45,360
and quit making an everlasting
wreck of this junk

1708
01:41:45,447 --> 01:41:48,798
things wouldn't be so calamitous
around here. Now, watch this.

1709
01:41:48,885 --> 01:41:51,322
There. You see that line?

1710
01:41:51,409 --> 01:41:53,977
If you ever dare to set foot
across that line again

1711
01:41:54,064 --> 01:41:55,805
you will instantly die
seven different deaths!

1712
01:41:55,892 --> 01:41:57,894
'All of them new.'

1713
01:41:59,809 --> 01:42:01,376
You get..

1714
01:42:01,463 --> 01:42:02,942
Here is your pipe-cleaner.

1715
01:42:03,029 --> 01:42:05,249
Foul plague that it be.

1716
01:42:05,336 --> 01:42:06,424
Who put it there?

1717
01:42:06,511 --> 01:42:07,686
The idea of a grown man

1718
01:42:07,773 --> 01:42:08,992
behaving like you do.

1719
01:42:09,079 --> 01:42:10,820
He's worse than a lot of children.

1720
01:42:13,388 --> 01:42:16,608
Mark, I know it's a terribly
hard decision to make

1721
01:42:16,695 --> 01:42:18,132
but you shouldn't
take it out on Katie.

1722
01:42:18,219 --> 01:42:22,266
I'm not angry at Katie.
She's just excitable.

1723
01:42:22,353 --> 01:42:24,790
- I wish I could help you.
- Mmm.

1724
01:42:24,877 --> 01:42:27,706
But whatever you decide to do
about General Grant

1725
01:42:27,793 --> 01:42:28,968
I know will be right.

1726
01:42:29,055 --> 01:42:31,406
I'm not at all sure
I want to be right.

1727
01:42:31,493 --> 01:42:33,451
When I think of the number
of disagreeable people I know

1728
01:42:33,538 --> 01:42:35,410
who've gone to a better world

1729
01:42:35,497 --> 01:42:37,760
I move to lead
the worst life I can.

1730
01:42:40,632 --> 01:42:42,634
- Come on, papa.
- Papa.

1731
01:42:42,721 --> 01:42:44,810
We wait for you
to tell us a story.

1732
01:42:44,897 --> 01:42:47,291
- Jean! Susy!
- I'm coming.

1733
01:42:47,378 --> 01:42:51,121
- I'll put them to bed.
- I can still do that, can't I?

1734
01:42:51,208 --> 01:42:54,429
If it were anyone in the world
but General Grant.

1735
01:42:54,516 --> 01:42:56,605
Come on, darling.

1736
01:42:56,692 --> 01:42:59,129
- Where are we going?
- I'll show you.

1737
01:43:07,355 --> 01:43:11,185
Who is General Grant Papa?
Was he a Mississippi pilot?

1738
01:43:11,272 --> 01:43:14,971
Well, he's, he's more
like a woolly bear.

1739
01:43:15,058 --> 01:43:17,887
Come on, Clara,
papa's going to tell us a story.

1740
01:43:17,974 --> 01:43:20,629
- About a woolly bear?
- Yes, dear.

1741
01:43:21,891 --> 01:43:24,720
Once there was a woolly bear.

1742
01:43:25,938 --> 01:43:28,593
And he lived in a wonderful woods

1743
01:43:28,680 --> 01:43:32,206
full of lollipop bushes
and all kinds of little animals.

1744
01:43:33,598 --> 01:43:35,774
And one day the woods caught fire.

1745
01:43:35,861 --> 01:43:37,428
And what did the bear do?

1746
01:43:37,515 --> 01:43:38,995
Well, he saw all the other

1747
01:43:39,082 --> 01:43:40,170
little animals running away

1748
01:43:40,257 --> 01:43:42,781
so he started to run too.

1749
01:43:42,868 --> 01:43:44,479
But he looked around

1750
01:43:44,566 --> 01:43:47,133
and suddenly he turned
and he ran right at the fire.

1751
01:43:47,221 --> 01:43:51,137
Youth, if you're trying to give
those babies nightmares again..

1752
01:43:53,270 --> 01:43:56,578
It's alright, mama, we never
believe papa's stories.

1753
01:43:56,665 --> 01:43:58,057
Go on, papa.

1754
01:43:58,144 --> 01:43:59,755
Well, he ran right straight
into the fire

1755
01:43:59,842 --> 01:44:01,539
and he began to spank it.

1756
01:44:01,626 --> 01:44:03,324
And he just flew around that woods

1757
01:44:03,411 --> 01:44:04,847
battering that old fire
right to pieces.

1758
01:44:04,934 --> 01:44:06,240
What happened?

1759
01:44:07,937 --> 01:44:10,679
He saved the whole thing.

1760
01:44:10,766 --> 01:44:12,420
Did you see him, papa?

1761
01:44:12,507 --> 01:44:16,424
Oh, yes. Yes, I saw him.

1762
01:44:16,511 --> 01:44:18,339
And then after a while
it was winter

1763
01:44:18,426 --> 01:44:21,124
all cold and snow.

1764
01:44:21,211 --> 01:44:22,560
And in all the woods, there wasn't

1765
01:44:22,647 --> 01:44:25,433
one warm home
for that old woolly bear.

1766
01:44:25,520 --> 01:44:28,131
So he went away
because woolly bears

1767
01:44:28,218 --> 01:44:30,481
don't know how to beg from anyone.

1768
01:44:30,568 --> 01:44:32,222
And he walked far off

1769
01:44:32,309 --> 01:44:35,965
very slowly, on his old hurt paws.

1770
01:44:36,052 --> 01:44:38,097
And he lied down in the snow

1771
01:44:38,184 --> 01:44:41,318
all alone, a dying old bear.

1772
01:44:41,405 --> 01:44:45,670
Nobody remembering
or caring about him anymore.

1773
01:44:45,757 --> 01:44:49,979
- Poor old woolly bear.
- Did he die, papa?

1774
01:44:50,066 --> 01:44:54,070
Not yet, darling.
And we can't let him.

1775
01:45:01,860 --> 01:45:03,253
Mark, you're insane.

1776
01:45:03,340 --> 01:45:04,472
I warn you, this will bring about

1777
01:45:04,559 --> 01:45:06,430
your absolute ruin.

1778
01:45:06,517 --> 01:45:07,823
I saw Grant ride in to Washington

1779
01:45:07,910 --> 01:45:09,912
at the head of 50,000 men.

1780
01:45:09,999 --> 01:45:11,957
But all that isn't
on your shoulders, Mark.

1781
01:45:12,044 --> 01:45:13,829
There are other publishers.

1782
01:45:13,916 --> 01:45:15,352
We turn our back on a man like that

1783
01:45:15,439 --> 01:45:16,440
we're changing ourselves
into something

1784
01:45:16,527 --> 01:45:18,050
cowardly, weak and mean.

1785
01:45:18,137 --> 01:45:19,835
It takes all the dignity
out of humanity.

1786
01:45:19,922 --> 01:45:22,359
It leaves us ashamed
of what we are.

1787
01:45:24,405 --> 01:45:26,232
Millions of children yet unborn

1788
01:45:26,320 --> 01:45:28,931
will know and realize
your greatness.

1789
01:45:29,018 --> 01:45:30,759
That's the sincerest tribute

1790
01:45:30,846 --> 01:45:33,936
that has ever been paid
to any man.

1791
01:45:34,023 --> 01:45:35,590
I tell you again, Mark,
if you do this

1792
01:45:35,677 --> 01:45:37,983
one thing more,
I can never get you out.

1793
01:45:38,070 --> 01:45:39,942
You'll be writing
for the rest of your life

1794
01:45:40,029 --> 01:45:41,552
just to pay off your debts.

1795
01:45:41,639 --> 01:45:43,554
With bankruptcy staring you
in the face.

1796
01:46:09,101 --> 01:46:10,712
Mark, it's impossible
for me to conceive

1797
01:46:10,799 --> 01:46:12,366
how a man of your superb abilities

1798
01:46:12,453 --> 01:46:15,194
has ended up
in such a hopeless position.

1799
01:46:15,281 --> 01:46:16,935
Maybe it's because
I've a greater genius

1800
01:46:17,022 --> 01:46:19,068
for getting myself into
the worst possible fixes

1801
01:46:19,155 --> 01:46:20,591
than any man that ever lived.

1802
01:46:20,678 --> 01:46:22,506
You made a fortune
for General Grant's widow.

1803
01:46:22,593 --> 01:46:24,247
What did you get out of it?

1804
01:46:24,334 --> 01:46:26,162
Satisfaction.

1805
01:46:26,249 --> 01:46:28,164
Mrs. Grant, hundreds
of your friends

1806
01:46:28,251 --> 01:46:30,732
throughout the country have
offered you their assistance.

1807
01:46:30,819 --> 01:46:33,299
Why won't you let us help you?

1808
01:46:33,387 --> 01:46:36,041
Once, down on the Mississippi
there was a big flood.

1809
01:46:36,128 --> 01:46:37,826
And old darkie
standing on the shore

1810
01:46:37,913 --> 01:46:39,741
saw a cat floating
by in a chicken coop.

1811
01:46:39,828 --> 01:46:42,178
And that cat was a friend of his.

1812
01:46:42,265 --> 01:46:45,529
So he got himself a pole,
and tried to pull it ashore.

1813
01:46:45,616 --> 01:46:47,139
You know what happened
to the darkie?

1814
01:46:47,226 --> 01:46:50,404
- What?
- He fell in himself.

1815
01:46:50,491 --> 01:46:53,711
After a while,
that cat just jumped ashore.

1816
01:46:53,798 --> 01:46:55,626
Mark, you think
you can ever jump ashore

1817
01:46:55,713 --> 01:46:58,586
from this chicken-coop?

1818
01:46:58,673 --> 01:47:01,937
Gentlemen, I've just come
from the creditors meeting.

1819
01:47:02,024 --> 01:47:04,113
- Yes?
- We reached an agreement.

1820
01:47:04,200 --> 01:47:05,680
I convinced them
that they couldn't expect

1821
01:47:05,767 --> 01:47:07,333
more than fifty cents
on the dollar.

1822
01:47:07,421 --> 01:47:09,814
Fifty cents on the dollar?
I won't accept it.

1823
01:47:09,901 --> 01:47:11,250
- Now, I'm warning you.
- It was all I can do.

1824
01:47:11,337 --> 01:47:13,470
Go back and tell them
I won't accept it.

1825
01:47:13,557 --> 01:47:16,299
Go back and tell them
it's not good enough.

1826
01:47:16,386 --> 01:47:18,214
I'll pay them every penny I owe.

1827
01:47:18,301 --> 01:47:19,650
Of course, we know
that's you'd like, Mark

1828
01:47:19,737 --> 01:47:21,130
but do you realize
your debt amounts to

1829
01:47:21,217 --> 01:47:22,392
almost a quarter
of a million dollars?

1830
01:47:22,479 --> 01:47:23,828
It's utterly impossible.

1831
01:47:23,915 --> 01:47:26,004
Gentlemen, once when
I wanted a frog

1832
01:47:26,091 --> 01:47:29,965
I went right out where
the frogs were, and I got one.

1833
01:47:30,052 --> 01:47:32,097
There have always been a lot
of foolish people in this world

1834
01:47:32,184 --> 01:47:34,752
actually willing to pay money
to hear me speak.

1835
01:47:34,839 --> 01:47:37,015
So I am going on a lecture tour.

1836
01:47:37,102 --> 01:47:40,062
First across the United States
to the West Coast.

1837
01:47:40,149 --> 01:47:42,064
Then across the Pacific to Hawaii.

1838
01:47:42,151 --> 01:47:45,328
Australia, New Zealand,
China, India, Africa.

1839
01:47:45,415 --> 01:47:48,374
I'll speak in every principal
city in this infernal globe.

1840
01:47:48,462 --> 01:47:50,638
I'll talk around the world,
as long as anybody will listen.

1841
01:47:50,725 --> 01:47:52,291
Around the world,
Mark, do you realize

1842
01:47:52,378 --> 01:47:53,945
what a plan like this
means at your age?

1843
01:47:54,032 --> 01:47:56,208
Night after night, month after
month, travelling, talking.

1844
01:47:56,295 --> 01:47:58,820
Why, it's beyond anyone's
physical endurance.

1845
01:47:58,907 --> 01:48:01,997
You know of an easier way to
earn a quarter million dollars?

1846
01:48:02,084 --> 01:48:03,825
But Africa?

1847
01:48:03,912 --> 01:48:06,218
Well, I guess I can stand it
if Africa can.

1848
01:48:06,305 --> 01:48:09,483
What's the matter, don't you
think I'd be funny in Hottentot?

1849
01:48:09,570 --> 01:48:11,746
Why the common flea
has been to these places.

1850
01:48:11,833 --> 01:48:14,749
You want me to be beaten out
by a flea?

1851
01:48:14,836 --> 01:48:16,402
I'll talk wherever six people

1852
01:48:16,490 --> 01:48:17,926
will gather together
at a crossroads.

1853
01:48:18,013 --> 01:48:20,363
Then I'm going to flabbergast
those creditors.

1854
01:48:20,450 --> 01:48:22,104
Oh, great heavens,
if you can do this, Mark

1855
01:48:22,191 --> 01:48:24,280
you'll be the most famous man
in the world.

1856
01:48:24,367 --> 01:48:25,847
And me the richest.

1857
01:48:25,934 --> 01:48:27,805
Can't we fix it
to make you the most famous

1858
01:48:27,892 --> 01:48:31,417
and me the richest?

1859
01:48:31,505 --> 01:48:33,071
'There's Mark Twain.'

1860
01:48:33,158 --> 01:48:34,595
Hi, Mark,
you got Huck Finn with you?

1861
01:48:34,682 --> 01:48:36,814
- Good luck, Mark.
- Hey, Mark, you're the Prince.

1862
01:48:36,901 --> 01:48:38,903
And I'm the pauper.

1863
01:48:40,296 --> 01:48:41,602
I'll-I'll be carrying this one.

1864
01:48:41,689 --> 01:48:43,081
- Yes, sir.
- Thank you.

1865
01:48:43,168 --> 01:48:44,909
Now what are you
all sniffling about?

1866
01:48:44,996 --> 01:48:47,869
Can't a man go away once in his
life without being cried over?

1867
01:48:47,956 --> 01:48:49,958
- You're crying yourself, papa.
- I am not.

1868
01:48:50,045 --> 01:48:51,176
Papa, please take care
of yourself.

1869
01:48:51,263 --> 01:48:52,569
Now look here, Clara.

1870
01:48:52,656 --> 01:48:54,310
Am I raising a daughter
or are you raising me?

1871
01:48:54,397 --> 01:48:57,531
Why, I'm raising you.
Somebody has to.

1872
01:48:57,618 --> 01:48:59,315
Well, don't worry about me.

1873
01:48:59,402 --> 01:49:01,143
I came into this world
with Halley's comet

1874
01:49:01,230 --> 01:49:03,145
and I'm gonna stay here
until it comes back for me.

1875
01:49:03,232 --> 01:49:05,408
That won't be for a long time,
I hope.

1876
01:49:05,495 --> 01:49:07,062
'All aboard!'

1877
01:49:08,193 --> 01:49:09,978
Oh, Mark, I want to go with you.

1878
01:49:10,065 --> 01:49:11,806
Oh, now don't start
that again, Livy.

1879
01:49:11,893 --> 01:49:14,939
It's only because you'd here
with the girls that I can go.

1880
01:49:15,026 --> 01:49:17,507
- Mark! Come on.
- Alright, alright.

1881
01:49:17,594 --> 01:49:18,900
Oh, Youth,
I want so to go with you.

1882
01:49:18,987 --> 01:49:20,554
Oh, now, Livy, it will do you good

1883
01:49:20,641 --> 01:49:23,078
being shot of me for a while
after all these years.

1884
01:49:23,165 --> 01:49:24,601
Don't forget, you're coming over

1885
01:49:24,688 --> 01:49:26,298
just as soon as the girls
are off to school.

1886
01:49:26,385 --> 01:49:28,431
- 'All aboard!'
- Good bye, Jean.

1887
01:49:28,518 --> 01:49:30,564
- Good bye, papa.
- Susy.

1888
01:49:30,651 --> 01:49:32,304
- Good bye, papa.
- Clara.

1889
01:49:34,306 --> 01:49:37,222
Please, please take care
of yourself.

1890
01:49:37,309 --> 01:49:39,007
'All aboard!'

1891
01:49:39,094 --> 01:49:41,531
Take care of yourself.
That's more important.

1892
01:49:41,618 --> 01:49:43,968
- Good bye, papa.
- Good bye.

1893
01:49:44,055 --> 01:49:47,276
- Good bye, papa.
- Good bye, papa.

1894
01:49:47,363 --> 01:49:50,932
Good bye, Youth. Good bye.

1895
01:49:51,019 --> 01:49:52,890
Mother, you were wonderful.

1896
01:49:52,977 --> 01:49:56,459
Papa didn't have the least idea
that you weren't feeling well.

1897
01:50:06,251 --> 01:50:07,949
You know, there has been
a great to-do

1898
01:50:08,036 --> 01:50:11,474
over Adam as the inventor of sin.

1899
01:50:11,561 --> 01:50:14,172
Why, it was nothing at all.

1900
01:50:14,259 --> 01:50:15,826
I could have done it myself.

1901
01:50:38,066 --> 01:50:39,676
Ladies and gentlemen..

1902
01:50:41,156 --> 01:50:44,246
...in the United States..

1903
01:50:44,333 --> 01:50:46,509
...we refer to Australia

1904
01:50:46,596 --> 01:50:49,686
as the other side of the world.

1905
01:50:49,773 --> 01:50:54,169
But I must say, now that I'm here.

1906
01:50:54,256 --> 01:50:57,563
It feels just as right-side-up
as the other side.

1907
01:51:22,197 --> 01:51:24,460
I have a cable here from Rogers.

1908
01:51:24,547 --> 01:51:25,896
Uh-huh.

1909
01:51:25,983 --> 01:51:29,117
"Mark, you have
a long way to go."

1910
01:51:33,556 --> 01:51:35,558
Mark Twain. Ha ha.

1911
01:51:40,824 --> 01:51:43,914
'In my travels around the world'

1912
01:51:44,001 --> 01:51:47,701
'I have been impressed by
one fact more than any other.'

1913
01:51:49,790 --> 01:51:52,706
'The universal brotherhood
of man.'

1914
01:51:52,793 --> 01:51:54,882
'He is our most precious
possession.'

1915
01:51:57,449 --> 01:51:58,668
'What there is of it.'

1916
01:52:01,279 --> 01:52:03,412
The trouble with
the human race is, uh..

1917
01:52:05,196 --> 01:52:06,589
...the human race.

1918
01:52:12,464 --> 01:52:16,381
Concerning the difference
between man and the jackass..

1919
01:52:18,035 --> 01:52:21,778
...some observers hold
that there isn't any.

1920
01:52:22,953 --> 01:52:25,826
But this wrongs the jackass.

1921
01:52:27,958 --> 01:52:30,656
In fact, speaking of animals..

1922
01:52:32,049 --> 01:52:35,661
I have often thought that God

1923
01:52:35,749 --> 01:52:39,013
probably created the monkey

1924
01:52:39,100 --> 01:52:42,103
because he was disappointed
in man.

1925
01:53:02,123 --> 01:53:04,081
I say, I have
a cablegram from America.

1926
01:53:04,168 --> 01:53:06,823
It says "Mark Twain is dead".

1927
01:53:06,910 --> 01:53:09,086
Oh, I say, this is rotten luck.

1928
01:53:09,173 --> 01:53:10,479
What's the matter, young man?

1929
01:53:10,566 --> 01:53:12,350
Well, it's rather awkward, sir.

1930
01:53:12,437 --> 01:53:15,179
You see, Mr. Twain,
I get paid by the word.

1931
01:53:15,266 --> 01:53:17,529
And they don't want
an item unless you're dead.

1932
01:53:17,616 --> 01:53:20,402
And I had counted
on at least 500 words.

1933
01:53:20,489 --> 01:53:22,621
Well, I tell you what you do.

1934
01:53:22,708 --> 01:53:25,233
You cable them
a 1000 words saying, uh..

1935
01:53:27,017 --> 01:53:29,803
Oh, just say the report
of my death, uh..

1936
01:53:31,805 --> 01:53:33,807
...has been greatly exaggerated.

1937
01:53:33,894 --> 01:53:35,721
Greatly exaggerated.

1938
01:53:35,809 --> 01:53:37,419
Well, it is isn't it?

1939
01:53:37,506 --> 01:53:38,986
Oh yes, of course!

1940
01:53:44,121 --> 01:53:45,993
Ladies and gentlemen..

1941
01:53:47,472 --> 01:53:49,823
...William Shakespeare..

1942
01:53:49,910 --> 01:53:53,478
...probably the greatest man
of English letters..

1943
01:53:53,565 --> 01:53:55,045
...is dead.

1944
01:53:55,132 --> 01:53:56,699
John Keats

1945
01:53:56,786 --> 01:53:59,267
one of our finest poets..

1946
01:53:59,354 --> 01:54:01,051
...is dead.

1947
01:54:03,053 --> 01:54:06,840
And I feel far from well myself.

1948
01:54:14,586 --> 01:54:16,023
Sometimes, I don't see

1949
01:54:16,110 --> 01:54:18,852
how I can cook up
one more silly remark.

1950
01:54:19,722 --> 01:54:21,376
I am thought-dry.

1951
01:54:22,725 --> 01:54:24,727
And I've still got
to disillusion Paris

1952
01:54:24,814 --> 01:54:27,948
and Brussels,
Amsterdam and Munich.

1953
01:54:28,035 --> 01:54:32,039
Mark, what would be the
best news I could give you?

1954
01:54:32,126 --> 01:54:33,388
That I'd never have to face

1955
01:54:33,475 --> 01:54:35,825
another audience
as long as I live.

1956
01:54:35,912 --> 01:54:38,436
Well, two more lectures
and you won't have to.

1957
01:54:38,523 --> 01:54:41,352
You'll have paid
every cent you owe.

1958
01:54:41,439 --> 01:54:43,398
I won't have to be comical
in Dutch?

1959
01:54:43,485 --> 01:54:44,616
No.

1960
01:54:46,749 --> 01:54:49,839
I can join Livy in Florence?

1961
01:54:49,926 --> 01:54:51,972
I'm glad I had her
wait for me there.

1962
01:54:52,059 --> 01:54:54,539
She never could have stood it.

1963
01:54:54,626 --> 01:54:56,759
Mark, you've done it.

1964
01:54:56,846 --> 01:54:58,630
Of course I've done it.

1965
01:54:58,717 --> 01:55:01,242
Pond, always for every moment

1966
01:55:01,329 --> 01:55:03,853
I have held the unwavering
belief that this thing

1967
01:55:03,940 --> 01:55:06,682
was utterly impossible.

1968
01:55:14,908 --> 01:55:16,170
Mrs. Clemens..

1969
01:55:16,257 --> 01:55:18,520
...it is a letter
from Mr. Clemens..

1970
01:55:18,607 --> 01:55:20,783
...from London.

1971
01:55:20,870 --> 01:55:23,568
Oh, he's coming.

1972
01:55:23,655 --> 01:55:26,049
I know he's coming very soon.

1973
01:55:28,834 --> 01:55:30,662
"And right now I don't
want to do anything

1974
01:55:30,749 --> 01:55:34,057
in this lopsided world
but join you in Florence.

1975
01:55:34,144 --> 01:55:35,406
"No boat is fast enough

1976
01:55:35,493 --> 01:55:39,367
"nor train speedy enough
to bring me to you.

1977
01:55:39,454 --> 01:55:41,151
"Goodnight dear heart.

1978
01:55:41,238 --> 01:55:42,544
"Sweet dreams

1979
01:55:43,414 --> 01:55:44,894
Mark."

1980
01:55:44,981 --> 01:55:48,115
You take this now.
It will make you rest.

1981
01:55:53,163 --> 01:55:55,339
It seemed impossible.

1982
01:55:55,426 --> 01:55:58,212
But he had so much courage.

1983
01:56:00,997 --> 01:56:03,652
We will go in now.

1984
01:56:03,739 --> 01:56:06,176
You will sleep
a little maybe, huh?

1985
01:56:23,715 --> 01:56:26,457
I thought maybe she'd see it
when she woke..

1986
01:56:26,544 --> 01:56:28,894
...maybe make her smile.

1987
01:56:28,982 --> 01:56:31,027
She'll love it.

1988
01:56:31,114 --> 01:56:32,463
- You know, Mark, I think--
- Shh! Shh!

1989
01:56:33,247 --> 01:56:34,378
Huh?

1990
01:56:37,860 --> 01:56:40,994
- Mark. Mark.
- Yes, dear?

1991
01:56:41,081 --> 01:56:43,213
'Mark, come quickly.'

1992
01:56:45,781 --> 01:56:48,305
Livy, what? Are you alright?

1993
01:56:49,263 --> 01:56:51,439
Livy, what happened?

1994
01:56:51,526 --> 01:56:53,528
Why, you look like
you've seen an angel.

1995
01:56:53,615 --> 01:56:56,139
Mark, what would
it take to make you think

1996
01:56:56,226 --> 01:56:58,011
you are a pretty good writer?

1997
01:56:58,098 --> 01:57:00,491
Well, I did kind of
set out to be..

1998
01:57:00,578 --> 01:57:02,754
...only the paper gave out.

1999
01:57:02,841 --> 01:57:05,279
You see, I-I've known it
for a long time.

2000
01:57:06,758 --> 01:57:08,978
I've known it
all our life together.

2001
01:57:09,065 --> 01:57:10,719
Livy, dearest..

2002
01:57:10,806 --> 01:57:14,157
...you make me feel
I can count on one vote

2003
01:57:14,244 --> 01:57:17,682
even if I ran
on the Republican ticket.

2004
01:57:17,769 --> 01:57:19,989
Of course, the people
always knew it.

2005
01:57:21,208 --> 01:57:23,384
They loved you
from the very first.

2006
01:57:23,471 --> 01:57:25,734
Yeah, you know,
that's, that's like our babies

2007
01:57:25,821 --> 01:57:27,518
always liked me best when I

2008
01:57:27,605 --> 01:57:28,519
stood on my head.

2009
01:57:31,870 --> 01:57:33,394
You struggled so hard

2010
01:57:33,481 --> 01:57:36,266
to be something else.

2011
01:57:36,353 --> 01:57:40,096
To get away from
the wonderful thing you are.

2012
01:57:40,183 --> 01:57:42,968
But darling, that very
struggle you made..

2013
01:57:43,056 --> 01:57:46,059
...wrote your name in
the everlasting stars.

2014
01:57:48,974 --> 01:57:50,976
This is from
Oxford University, Mark.

2015
01:57:52,848 --> 01:57:54,763
They've sent for you.

2016
01:57:56,417 --> 01:57:59,246
You are to be given
the same honorary degree

2017
01:57:59,333 --> 01:58:00,899
as was given Wordsworth

2018
01:58:00,986 --> 01:58:02,814
and Macaulay

2019
01:58:02,901 --> 01:58:05,295
and Robert Browning.

2020
01:58:07,428 --> 01:58:11,301
The name Mark Twain
is with them now.

2021
01:58:11,388 --> 01:58:13,477
There isn't
any higher honor, Mark.

2022
01:58:15,914 --> 01:58:19,092
Livy, do you really think that..

2023
01:58:19,179 --> 01:58:21,659
With all my heart.

2024
01:58:28,884 --> 01:58:30,886
And now, dear..

2025
01:58:30,973 --> 01:58:32,801
...promise me one thing.

2026
01:58:34,455 --> 01:58:36,935
You must go to Oxford

2027
01:58:37,022 --> 01:58:38,981
even if I can't be there.

2028
01:58:41,462 --> 01:58:44,508
And stand where those
other greats have stood.

2029
01:58:46,380 --> 01:58:47,511
For me.

2030
01:58:49,252 --> 01:58:51,341
Yeah, I promise, Livy.

2031
01:58:56,172 --> 01:58:58,914
I don't think any woman has..

2032
01:58:59,001 --> 01:59:00,916
...has ever been as happy..

2033
01:59:02,526 --> 01:59:04,441
...as I am tonight.

2034
01:59:09,446 --> 01:59:12,449
Now, Mark, will you sing to me
a little while..

2035
01:59:14,495 --> 01:59:16,584
...while I go to sleep?

2036
01:59:22,242 --> 01:59:29,205
♪ Swing low sweet chariot ♪

2037
01:59:29,292 --> 01:59:35,646
♪Coming for to carry me home ♪

2038
01:59:35,733 --> 01:59:42,523
♪ Swing low sweet chariot ♪

2039
01:59:42,610 --> 01:59:47,789
♪ Coming for to carry me home ♪

2040
01:59:49,921 --> 01:59:53,621
♪ I looked over Jordan ♪

2041
01:59:53,708 --> 01:59:57,494
♪ And what did I see ♪

2042
01:59:57,581 --> 02:00:03,457
♪ Coming for to carry me home ♪

2043
02:00:03,544 --> 02:00:08,201
♪ A band of angels ♪

2044
02:00:08,288 --> 02:00:12,509
♪ Coming after me ♪

2045
02:00:12,596 --> 02:00:19,386
♪ Coming for to carry me home ♪

2046
02:00:20,691 --> 02:00:26,958
♪ Swing low sweet chariot ♪

2047
02:00:28,177 --> 02:00:32,137
♪ Coming for to carry.. ♪

2048
02:00:34,009 --> 02:00:37,534
You can stop now, Mark, I think.

2049
02:00:52,332 --> 02:00:55,291
It's so beautiful I..

2050
02:00:55,378 --> 02:00:57,772
I can't believe
she doesn't see it.

2051
02:01:02,124 --> 02:01:05,606
I can't go back
to America right away.

2052
02:01:05,693 --> 02:01:09,392
There's something
I...promised her to do.

2053
02:01:09,479 --> 02:01:13,004
I'll see that everything
is taken care of, Mark.

2054
02:01:13,091 --> 02:01:15,833
I want you to have
this carved on the stone

2055
02:01:15,920 --> 02:01:17,966
for her resting place in Elmira.

2056
02:01:19,359 --> 02:01:22,405
I couldn't write anything myself.

2057
02:01:25,234 --> 02:01:29,456
Warm summer sun,
shine kindly here.

2058
02:01:31,153 --> 02:01:35,853
Warm Southern wind,
blow softly here.

2059
02:01:38,334 --> 02:01:41,163
Green sod above..

2060
02:01:41,250 --> 02:01:43,818
...lie light, lie light.

2061
02:01:45,689 --> 02:01:47,952
Goodnight dear heart.

2062
02:01:48,039 --> 02:01:49,345
Goodnight.

2063
02:01:50,607 --> 02:01:52,653
Goodnight.

2064
02:03:06,466 --> 02:03:08,816
Bravo, Connecticut Yankee.

2065
02:03:08,903 --> 02:03:11,514
I say, did you bring your
chopping fork with you?

2066
02:03:14,648 --> 02:03:17,781
This is much better than
"Roughing It," isn't it?

2067
02:03:17,868 --> 02:03:20,175
I say, how's Huckleberry Finn?

2068
02:03:24,788 --> 02:03:26,399
And so Rudyard Kipling

2069
02:03:26,486 --> 02:03:30,707
I confer on you the degree
Doctoris Literarum.

2070
02:03:41,239 --> 02:03:44,025
Samuel Langhorne Clemens

2071
02:03:44,112 --> 02:03:46,157
Mark Twain.

2072
02:03:58,431 --> 02:04:01,346
Most amiable and charming, sir.

2073
02:04:01,434 --> 02:04:03,958
You shake the sides
of the whole world

2074
02:04:04,045 --> 02:04:06,526
with your merriment.

2075
02:04:06,613 --> 02:04:08,789
In the heart of
the American continent

2076
02:04:08,876 --> 02:04:11,661
a great river,
the glorious Mississippi

2077
02:04:11,748 --> 02:04:14,229
gave its lifeblood
to a young nation

2078
02:04:14,316 --> 02:04:16,492
throughout its early days.

2079
02:04:16,579 --> 02:04:20,061
'The part played by that river
in world history..'

2080
02:04:20,148 --> 02:04:22,106
...is now done.

2081
02:04:22,193 --> 02:04:24,369
But through the writings

2082
02:04:24,457 --> 02:04:28,461
of this single man,
the river flows on..

2083
02:04:28,548 --> 02:04:32,769
...a part of
our own lives forever.

2084
02:04:32,856 --> 02:04:36,469
Yet he has done more than
bring a river to our hearts.

2085
02:04:36,556 --> 02:04:39,297
Through humble, human scenes.

2086
02:04:39,384 --> 02:04:41,952
Through glimpses
of bare-footed men

2087
02:04:42,039 --> 02:04:43,998
and bewildered boys

2088
02:04:44,085 --> 02:04:45,434
he has preserved to us

2089
02:04:45,521 --> 02:04:47,349
'our finest record'

2090
02:04:47,436 --> 02:04:50,004
'of a great nation
as it came of age.'

2091
02:04:50,091 --> 02:04:54,661
A record that stands,
imperishable and irreplaceable.

2092
02:04:55,792 --> 02:04:58,099
Like the pyramids of Egypt

2093
02:04:58,186 --> 02:05:00,928
immortalizing a stirring age.

2094
02:05:01,015 --> 02:05:03,583
He has given us even more.

2095
02:05:03,670 --> 02:05:07,500
He has made it impossible
for any man ever again

2096
02:05:07,587 --> 02:05:11,547
to mistrust the soil in which
his own life found root.

2097
02:05:11,634 --> 02:05:13,549
Or to doubt that he himself

2098
02:05:13,636 --> 02:05:16,291
may draw from it all greatness.

2099
02:05:16,378 --> 02:05:19,555
Wherever that soil may be.

2100
02:05:19,642 --> 02:05:21,731
'He has taught us
that it is through'

2101
02:05:21,818 --> 02:05:23,820
'the laughter and tears'

2102
02:05:23,907 --> 02:05:25,909
'of humble folk'

2103
02:05:25,996 --> 02:05:29,783
that a nation's story
may be most truly told.

2104
02:05:29,870 --> 02:05:32,307
All this we, the people of England

2105
02:05:32,394 --> 02:05:35,397
nay, the peoples of all nations

2106
02:05:35,484 --> 02:05:37,747
owe to Mark Twain.

2107
02:06:07,472 --> 02:06:10,563
You know Quintard, it beats me.

2108
02:06:10,650 --> 02:06:13,087
I suppose man
is the only living animal

2109
02:06:13,174 --> 02:06:15,916
who never knows where he's at.

2110
02:06:16,003 --> 02:06:19,963
You take the cat
that sat on a hot stove.

2111
02:06:20,050 --> 02:06:23,227
She didn't have any
perspective or time to think.

2112
02:06:24,620 --> 02:06:27,580
But she knew instinctively
that cat

2113
02:06:27,667 --> 02:06:30,147
what she had done.

2114
02:06:30,234 --> 02:06:31,496
She got off at once!

2115
02:06:34,064 --> 02:06:35,892
I have to run now, Mark.

2116
02:06:35,979 --> 02:06:38,286
Oh, can't you sit
and smoke just one Manila?

2117
02:06:38,373 --> 02:06:39,635
No.

2118
02:06:39,722 --> 02:06:42,507
This is better than
I usually offer you.

2119
02:06:42,595 --> 02:06:44,814
And neither can you.

2120
02:06:47,077 --> 02:06:48,383
I'll look at
the reports now, Clara.

2121
02:06:48,470 --> 02:06:50,385
'They're in the study, doctor.'

2122
02:06:57,653 --> 02:06:59,786
You don't need
to do that now, father.

2123
02:07:01,135 --> 02:07:03,659
Just force-of-habit I suppose.

2124
02:07:06,227 --> 02:07:07,707
Where's my cat?

2125
02:07:07,794 --> 02:07:12,363
Well, she's busy.
She'll explain to you later.

2126
02:07:12,450 --> 02:07:16,106
Seems only a few minutes ago
that that cat was a kitten.

2127
02:07:17,455 --> 02:07:19,544
Now she's fifteen cats.

2128
02:07:19,632 --> 02:07:22,722
Twenty cats, that's what
she's busy with.

2129
02:07:25,072 --> 02:07:28,162
Sometimes I feel
like a stalk of corn.

2130
02:07:29,554 --> 02:07:32,340
Left standing all alone..

2131
02:07:32,427 --> 02:07:34,037
...in a field.

2132
02:07:39,042 --> 02:07:40,914
Nobody left for me to..

2133
02:07:42,437 --> 02:07:44,482
...play with anymore.

2134
02:08:03,850 --> 02:08:06,548
Doctor Quintard.
Doctor Quintard!

2135
02:08:54,074 --> 02:08:57,904
Sam, Sam, here we are.

2136
02:09:00,123 --> 02:09:02,473
Come on. Come on.

2137
02:09:06,826 --> 02:09:09,654
Oh, my darling,
if you could only know.

2138
02:09:09,742 --> 02:09:12,483
What you look upon as my death

2139
02:09:12,570 --> 02:09:15,443
has been greatly exaggerated.

2140
02:09:16,618 --> 02:09:18,620
Sam. Sam..

2141
02:09:18,707 --> 02:09:21,536
Come on. Come on ..